I Always Liked That Best
by Bleeding Heart Sacred Soul
Summary: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. Love never fails. And now faith, hope, and love abide these three but the greatest is love. [1 Corinthians 13]
1. Sunlit Conversations

**Title:** I Always Liked That Best

**Author name:** Bleeding Heart Sacred Soul

**Author email:** Romance/Drama

**Rating: **PG-13

**Spoilers:** PoA

**DISCLAIMER:** This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author notes:** Okay. Originally all this stuff was written for a fic entitled **1998,** which is to be part of a series begun with **1978** and continued with **1997**, both of which are posted on FictionAlley ( However, I realised that I had written thirteen pages of backstory, and **1998** was only intended to be a one-shot; all that backstory would make a one-shot extremely tedious to read!

At the same time, I began working on this story, which at the time started with Sirius turning up at Remus's after alerting the "old crowd". While plotting it out, I realised that it would have to be almost entirely flashbacks to get some of the stuff I'd written into it. Since all that backstory in **1998** was far too much, I edited all mention of time-travel, divided it into chapters...and here it is. This story was first posted on FictionAlley (on Astronomy Tower) as **Will-o'-the-Wisp**, which was a title I got from a piece of WolfStar fan art I found around the time I began working on this. However, while listening to the MIDIs and WAVs I have floating around my computer, I came across "I Always Liked That Best" by Cyndi Thompson and decided that would be a much more appropriate title for this particular story, which is why it is henceforth going to be the title. Anyway, enjoy. Please.

Oh, yeah...and this is the first slash fic I have ever attempted. Bear that in mind.

-----

"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEESSSSSSSS!" James threw his arms out to the side and spun around in a gleeful circle, then collapsed onto his back on the soft grass near the lake. "We did it! We are officially mature!"

"Speak for yourself," Sirius grinned, flopping onto the grass next to him and propping himself up on his elbow. "I, Sirius Black, being of questionable mind and body, do hereby declare that I will never grow up until I absolutely have to."

"Or until Voldemort comes after you," Remus commented, laying down on his stomach opposite the other two, his head down near theirs.

James turned his head to look at his friend, all traces of mirth gone. "Damn it, Remus, why'd you have to bring that up _now?_ We're eighteen—or very nearly—we finally graduated from Hogwarts, we're finally free of Sluggy and Snivellus, we are so _out_ of this hellhole. This should be a _happy_ occasion!"

"I'm not happy," Remus said quietly. "Hogwarts is my home…the only home I have."

Sirius put a comforting hand on his best friend's shoulder. "Hey, don't sweat it," he said, his voice surprisingly gentle and tender. "You know you'll always have a home with us. Or me, at least."

"Yeah, me, too," James added, concern in his hazel eyes. "Always and forever, until it is beyond my power to provide you with such."

Remus's eyes filled with tears. "Thanks, guys."

"It's the truth." Sirius looked as if he was about to say something more, then thought better of it.

Before anyone could say anything more, a voice broke over the boys. "_There_ you three are, we've been looking for you everywhere."

James turned his gaze upwards and smiled. "Oh…hey, Lils, Pete."

Lily sat cross-legged on the grass next to James's head; Peter sat on a rock next to Sirius. "So, what's up with you three?" Peter asked.

"Oh, nothing much, just talking about graduation," Sirius said lightly. "What about you two?"

Lily smiled. "Marly and Al drew me into a discussion about the ball tonight, and Peter somehow got into an argument with Frank about something or other."

"What was it about?" Remus asked, genuinely surprised. Frank was rather easygoing and rarely got into arguments with anyone, much less Peter, who couldn't say "Boo" to a gnat.

Peter blushed. "Alice. I was waiting for an opening in their discussion so I could ask her to the ball, but Frank interrupted them and asked her, so I said he was being rude and…" He trailed off.

"Pete, they're _engaged,_" Remus reminded the other boy. "She wouldn't have gone with you anyway."

Peter looked embarrassed. "Oh, yeah, I forgot about that."

Lily shook her head. "So who _are _you taking to the ball?"

Peter sighed. "Tonks."

"_Tonks!"_

"She was the first girl who came around the corner!" Peter said defensively. "I figured…well, she's only a third year, she wouldn't be able to go otherwise…she said she'd go with me, though, probably on the same line of logic." He frowned at James. "Who are you taking, then? Who have you asked?"

"Good point." James turned his head to look at Lily. "Want to go to the Graduation Ball with me tonight?"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Nothing like waiting till the last minute. Sure, I'd love to."

"Great." James smirked at Peter.

Peter shook his head and turned to Sirius. "Who are you going with, Siri?"

Sirius shook his head. "Nobody. Why restrict myself to just one woman? Plenty of Sirius to go around." Lily snorted. "I'm going stag. No offence meant, James."

"None taken." James tilted his head back to look at Remus. "You going solo too, Rem?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah," Remus stammered. "I…I mean, who'd want to go with me?"

"Wouldn't Petunia?" Lily asked innocently.

Remus shook his head. "You didn't know? We broke up last summer. It wasn't going to work anyway…and she got awfully snotty about you."

"That's nothing new." Lily flashed a smile at him, then stood. "I'd better go start getting ready for the ball…see you later, dear." She turned and headed for the castle.

Sirius propped his head up on his elbow. "Looking forward to the ball, huh?"

"Of course. I wouldn't miss it for anything on either side of the grave."

Remus folded his arms underneath of himself and raised himself slightly. "You think the ball is that important? Your six hundredth date with Lily Evans or something?"

James flushed slightly. "Well, I wasn't going to say anything yet, but…" He pushed himself to a sitting position and reached into his pocket. Sirius and Remus sat up as well, and Peter leaned down from his rock.

Looking a little embarrassed, James withdrew a dark red velvet box and opened it, showing them a simple gold band with two small stones, oblong and seemingly intertwined. One was a translucent, alduralescent stone with a blue sheen to it; the other was a dark red gem that sparkled gently.

"Merlin's beard," Sirius whispered. "Prongs, you planning on…?"

James nodded, his face flushed but tinged with pride. "I wrote to Dad last week, he placed the order for me. Been saving my allowance since Christmas for this."

"Sweet mother of pearl," Remus said weakly.

"Actually, the bluish one is a moonstone, which is one of the two accepted modern June birthstones," James told him. "The red one is garnet, the January birthstone."

"It's just an expression, James. I know what they are."

"Oh," James said sheepishly.

"Her birthstone and yours, right?" Peter asked. "Sensible…if a bit unorthodox."

"I know they're usually diamonds, but that's the April birthstone and Petunia's birthday is in April," James explained. "Besides, everybody does diamonds and I wanted Lily's to be something special. Moonstone and garnet was a hell of a lot cheaper than even a single low-carat diamond, and that didn't hurt."

Sirius smiled. "She's a lucky woman. Hope she says yes."

The colour faded out of James's face. "Oh, God, so do I. Why would she, though? I mean, we've only been going out for seven months…and she used to hate my guts…"

"Nah, she never hated you," Remus said with a gentle smile. "She acted the way she did for the same reason you acted the way you did—because she loved you."

"But I didn't yell at her," James objected.

Remus shook his head. "Okay, maybe it's not _exactly_ the same. You acted the way you did because you loved her and you were trying to show off for her. She acted the way _she_ did because she loved you and she was afraid."

Peter's eyebrows shot up. "Afraid? Of what?"

"Afraid of what she was feeling," Remus said simply. "Afraid she'd fall too hard too fast and that he wouldn't be there to catch her when she did. Afraid that he wouldn't love her back—and then when he started acting up around her, that he was only asking her out as a joke. I've been there so I can understand. Least Lily isn't also afraid of what James would say if he found out that she was a werewolf, like I was with Petunia."

"Does she know?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Who, Petunia? Nah, I never got the chance to tell her. Good thing, now that I think on it…"

"No, I mean Lily."

"Oh, yeah, she's known for a while," Remus said dismissively. "She wanted to know why Severus quit coming to our study groups, so I told her about that 'prank' you pulled…"

"You used to _study_ with him?" James asked in surprise, closing the box with a snap. "_Why?_"

"Well, at first it was just Lily," Remus mumbled. "But we were working on some essay in about January of our first year and we both got stuck on some theorem…he happened to be passing by and Lily asked him if he could explain it to us. He wouldn't do it at first, but we played up the flattery card and he helped us out. Turned out he was having trouble with Charms, which Lily and I are both fairly good at. When Lily mentioned to him that I was helping her out with Defence in exchange for Potions help, he said that he was pretty good at Defence too and offered to join our group in exchange for Charms help. It just got to be a habit after a while…he's not so bad when you get to know him."

Peter shook his head. "I will _never_ understand you, mate."

"I don't expect you to, JI," Remus replied.

Sirius frowned at Remus. "_Why_ do you keep calling him that?"

"My middle initials, remember?" Peter reminded Sirius.

"But what do they stand for?" James insisted, looking from Peter to Remus.

Remus stood up and brushed a few blades of grass off his front. "Judas Iscariot."


	2. Cinderella Man

"Oh, gosh, do I look all right?"

"You look fine."

"Where's my mirror? Oh, dear God, what did I do with that comb?"

"It's over here, I just borrowed it for a second."

__

"What happened to the ring?"

"It's over here…"

"Those are my cuff links."

"Here it is!"

"No, that's not it either! Blast it!"  
Remus blew a loose strand of light brown hair out of his eyes and scanned the room. Six boys stood in various states of preparation. The beds and end tables were strewn with various articles of clothing: socks, shoes, ties, shirts, pants, even a pair of underwear hanging off the end of Peter's bed. Gilderoy sat in front of a vanity mirror, brushing his rather long golden hair, which fell in ripples to his shoulders. His salmon pink dinner jacket lay carefully on his bed, a yellow silk tie on top of it. Frank sat on his own bed, wrestling with his socks and muttering. Peter lay on his back on his bed, holding his breath and sucking in his stomach as he tried to fasten the button on his dress pants. James was digging through his trunk, his shirt only half-buttoned, tie and jacket forgotten, one shoe off and one shoe on, looking frantically for the ring. Sirius, who was from a very strict pureblood family and not used to the suits the seventh year boys had been asked to wear that night, looked a little uncertain as he met his eyes in the mirror and fumbled with his tie. Only Remus was actually ready to go.

If he had been taking a date that evening, Remus would have been beyond mortified at his own appearance. The full moon was three days over, and he was still rather thin and tired-looking. Besides that, his suit was ancient. He had been forced to let down the hem on his trousers so that the cuffs met his shoes, but there was a definite crease that no amount of ironing would get out. The shirt was faded from many washings, and the tie had once belonged to his father. His socks had darns on top of darns, most of which he had done himself, and his shoes were rather scuffed, despite the vigorous polishing he had given them the previous evening. His brown jacket, waiting for him to put it on, had several patches, including one on the elbow that he had sewn on nearly a week previous, when he had taken out his suit to make sure it was in a decent condition and discovered another hole. As it was, however, Remus didn't mind in the slightest how he looked. He was going to the ball because it was the graduation party, to say goodbye to his friends.

Gilderoy threw down his brush with an exaggerated sigh and began experimenting with a velvet ribbon to tie his hair back and not succeeding very well. Frank had gone from muttering to threats of sock-murder when his sock got all twisted and refused to go up his foot. Peter had finally managed to button his pants and was trying to button his shirt, but gave a wail of despair as one of the buttons popped off with a _twang._ James narrowly missed hitting Remus with his trainer as he tossed it aside in his desperate search for the ring. Sirius tugged his stubborn tie off of his neck and shook out his hands, staring at the thing in mild dismay.

Sighing, Remus stood up and set about straightening his friends out. He tied Gilderoy's hair back for him, untangled Frank's sock and showed him how to get it on without twisting it, pulled the box containing the moonstone and garnet ring out of the pocket of the pants James had been wearing earlier, then fished out his sewing kit and found white thread and a button that matched the rest of Peter's.

"Thanks for helping us get ready for the ball, Cinderella," Frank teased with a grin as he began lacing up his dress shoes.

"Mm mmm mmmm," Remus mumbled around the thread in his mouth as he finished sewing on the button. He bit the thread off and repeated, "No problem. That's what I'm here for."

Leaving Peter to continue buttoning his shirt, Remus walked over to where Sirius was still wrestling with the tie and took it out of his hands. He whipped it around Sirius's neck, knotted it, cinched it up, smoothed the ends, and turned Sirius's collar down. "There," he said with a smile.

Sirius raised his eyebrows, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth as well. "How do you do that?"

"Half-Muggle, remember? Muggles get upset if you go to important functions in dress robes. I _had_ to learn how to put on a tie or I'd've been resorting to clip-ons." Remus glanced in the mirror and straightened his own tie, then returned to his bed, trying not to think about what else he had seen in the mirror. His father had told him this might happen, but he hadn't thought it would be this soon. Remus's hair was beginning to go prematurely grey.

Gilderoy eyed Remus in the mirror. "Did you ever consider a bowtie?"

"I haven't worn a bowtie since I was three. And I looked ridiculous."

"Nonsense." Gilderoy tugged on the ends of what Remus suddenly realised was a sunshine yellow bowtie. "I think they look splendid."

"No offence, Roy, but you're wearing a salmon pink jacket and you have your hair tied back with a ribbon," James said flatly. "Forgive us if we don't exactly take your advice on what looks 'splendid'."

Gilderoy looked injured. "I was merely making an _observation,_ my dear chap."

"Okay, you guys, no fighting," Remus intervened, like he usually did. "Come on…this is _it._ Our last hurrah, our last real night as Hogwarts students. We should be getting along as friends, not fighting like first years who've been up too late. Besides, James, you're still Head Boy for a couple more days."

"Sorry," James apologised, looking sheepish. "I'm just a bit strung out tonight…God, I don't know when I've ever been so nervous."

"Your first date with her?" Sirius suggested.

"The first date is _nothing_ compared to trying to propose," Frank informed him. "It's not easy, choking out a proposal without dropping the ring or stammering or some other calamity. I was so nervous I thought I was going to throw up."

James smiled weakly. "Thanks for the confidence booster, Frank."

"No problem, mate. Hey, if she says yes maybe we can do a double wedding."

James laughed. "If she says yes, I have a feeling she and Al will be planning exactly that by the time the train leaves tomorrow."


	3. At The Ball

"Want a butterbeer?"

Remus looked up and did a double-take, then smiled. "Reg! What are you doing here? I thought you weren't graduating for a couple of years yet."

"Bella made me come." The lanky fifteen-year-old grinned at Remus, holding two mugs of butterbeer. "Says I need to start learning which people to suck up to once I graduate, and since I don't really mix with the older set she said I had to come tonight and meet some of the Slug Club." He handed one of the mugs to Remus and added, "So far, she hasn't done much but hang off of Randolphus Lestrange and simper every time he looks her way…is he one of the members of the Slug Club?"

"Nah." Remus took a sip of butterbeer. "They've been engaged for months now."

"I know, the wedding's next week." Regulus pulled a face. "Mum says I've got to be one of the ushers…I don't even want to go. Especially since—" He hesitated. "Well, never mind. Let's just say I don't much like either one of them…or Cissy, and of course she's Bella's maid—er, matron—of honour."

Remus gave the boy a sympathetic smile. "I'm sorry about that…but hey, look at the bright side. You'll never have to see any of them again…isn't Narcissa married too?"

"Yeah, to Lucius Malfoy," Regulus nodded. "That was a _really _big deal, Mum thinks very highly of the Malfoy family. You know he's got a sister, right?"

"So I heard. Eileen, right?"

"Ethelfritha. Nice kid, I guess…Mum tried to push a marriage between her and S—my estranged brother—once."

Remus choked on his butterbeer. "_What?_" he sputtered. "Are you kidding me?"

Regulus gave him a wry smile. "Nope. 'Course, that broke off when—"

"He ran off."

"No, well before that…she fell off an abraxan horse and hit her head hard. She lived, but her brain's scrambled. The Malfoys don't even let her out of the house anymore…keep her locked up." Regulus tapped the side of his head. "She's crazy."

Remus knew that this was standard procedure for treating mentally ill people—keeping them locked away where society couldn't see them—but the thought still turned his stomach. He had a small sister who was retarded; he only saw her once or twice a year, when he could convince his parents to make the trip out to the asylum she was entombed in. He swallowed hard and put down his butterbeer. "That's too bad," he murmured.

Regulus studied Remus's face. "You okay? You look like you just got kicked in the stomach."

__

That's how I feel, Remus thought but didn't say. Instead, he forced a smile. "No, no, I'm fine. It's just…you know, tired. That time of the month."

"Oh, yeah," Regulus said sympathetically. "Sorry about that."

"Not your fault."

The two sat in silence for a moment, Remus staring vacantly across the dance floor, Regulus scanning to make sure his cousin didn't see him talking to his estranged brother's best friend. After a while, Regulus cleared his throat and asked, "Say, er—where are Tweedledee, Tweedledum, and Tweedledumber? I mean, why are you over here by yourself?"

Remus shook his head and came back to reality. "Erm…Peter is over by the refreshments table, big surprise. James is over there—" he pointed to the left side of the room "—see, dancing with Lily Evans…again, no surprises there. Sirius is…" Remus scanned the room again, then frowned slightly. "Actually, I don't know _where_ Sirius is. Come to think of it, I haven't seen him in a while."

"That's strange, usually you know exactly what he's doing every second of his life," Regulus commented, a teasing light in his eyes.

"Stop that," Remus laughed. "I do not."

"You do! Every time I ask you where he is you give me his exact geographic co-ordinates and a detailed—and often graphic, might I add—description of exactly what he's up to. I guess there had to be _one_ time in your life that you didn't know exactly, but I didn't expect it to be tonight."

Remus chuckled, but he wondered. Regulus was right—it _was_ unusual for Remus not to know what Sirius was doing. For that matter, it wasn't like Sirius to sneak off without letting Remus know where he was going. _Where could he have gone?_ Remus mused. Aloud he said, "I don't think there's anything to worry about. You know Sirius, he's probably gone off with some girl."

"Or knowing him, several girls," Regulus added.

"Regulus!" Remus scolded, but his chiding didn't have the same effect as he was laughing.

Regulus grinned, not the least bit chagrined. "You know I could be right. Not that I think he's, you know, shagging them all or whatever…but I wouldn't put it past him."

Remus shook his head. "Sadly, neither would I."

Regulus chuckled again, then studied his mostly empty butterbeer mug before looking up at Remus. "So…any thoughts on what you'll be doing after Hogwarts?"

Remus shrugged uncomfortably. "Get a job somewhere, try to support myself. That won't be easy, I'll probably be looking for some time yet, but…"

"Teach here. We'll need a new Defence teacher…"

"Right out of Hogwarts, Regulus? The students won't listen to me—I'm too young. Dumbledore will say the same if I ask him. Besides, the job's jinxed, everyone knows that. I want to get some experience before I go up against something like that." Remus sighed and took another sip of butterbeer. "No, I'll have to think of something else."

"But what?"

Remus shook his head. "I don't know."

Regulus scanned the dance floor, obviously locating his two cousins and looking for Sirius, then looked back at Remus. "You know my dad would hire you."

"I know."

"He admires your work ethic…even if you are a Gryffindor and S—well, _his_ friend."

"I know."

"All you'd have to do is pretend like you don't like your mum."

Remus sighed. "And therein lies the problem, Reg. I can't do that."

"Why not?" Regulus demanded. "I pretend like I don't like my brother—my best friend since as long as I remember—and I do it well enough to fool Dad. You're a way better actor than I am."

"It's nothing to do with my acting skills," Remus answered. "I just…I'm not going to deny my mother, even in a lie, even if I were starving and your dad was the only person in the world who would hire me—which may well be the case. That would be dishonest. If I'm going to get a job, I'm going to do it honestly and without lying or cheating my way into a position."

Regulus shook his head. "You and your honourable tendencies. Gryffindor."

"Damn straight." Both boys chuckled, but Remus quickly sobered. "No, I'll find someone who will hire me despite my heritage. The trick is going to be finding an employer who will be willing to let me off three days out of the month."

"You going to lie about your—er—what is it Potter calls it?" Regulus inquired.

"My 'furry little problem'?" A small smile quirked Remus's lips. "Might have to."

"_Why?_"

Remus chewed his bottom lip. He quite honestly hadn't admitted this part to anyone yet. "We-ell…Muggles don't exactly believe in werewolves, do they?"

"No, but—wait." Regulus eyed Remus suspiciously. "What do Muggles have to do with you getting work?"

Remus spread out his hands helplessly. "I…Reg, don't yell or throw a wobbly or anything, but…I think I'm going to wind up with a Muggle job. Something I don't have to get any specialised training for, since I can't pay for it, but something that pays well enough to live off of…oh, don't look at me like that," he implored, seeing Regulus's wide-eyed and incredulous stare. "I know most wizards don't resort to Muggle jobs, I know it's usually a really stupid idea, but what else am I going to do? I probably won't be able to get a job in the wizarding world, where the truth about me is just a Floo call away from any employer who does a thorough background check—which all of them do. At least with a Muggle job I can try to be normal."

Regulus shook his head slowly. "Your dad's gonna have a fit."

"My folks cut me off entirely when I left for the station on September the first," Remus said quietly. "Mother said I was of age and it was high time I started supporting myself. Dad was a little more blunt…said if I ever showed my furry face around his house again—that was exactly how he put it, my 'furry face'—he'd come at me with the candlesticks. I guess that's what they mean when they say you can't go home again."

Regulus looked abashed. "I'm sorry, Remus."

"Don't worry about it. It isn't your fault." Remus shook his head and scanned the room again. Peter was still stuffing his face…Tonks was talking to a couple of the older students who had been accepted into the Auror program, her face alight with excitement…James and Lily were still whirling about the dance floor, lost in their own little world. Remus couldn't see a sparkle on Lily's hand, which meant that James had not yet proposed. Sirius was still nowhere in sight, which was worrying to say the least.

Regulus looked around the room as well, then glanced at the doors opening out to the grounds, where a dark figure was lurking. "Hey, Snape's here, good."

Remus followed Regulus's gaze. Sure enough, Snape stood by the door, greasy-haired and hook-nosed, scowling at the proceedings. As Remus watched, Snape caught sight of James and Lily and his scowl deepened. With a swirl of coattails, he stalked out of the doors.

Regulus shook his head. "Man, he is messed up."

"How so?" Remus asked, turning to Regulus.

Regulus shrugged. "Just…I don't know. He's been getting more and more moody recently…he was the only one scowling at graduation this morning…and last night I caught him crying in the loo."

"_What?_" Remus was startled out of all other thoughts. Severus Snape did _not_ cry. "What was wrong?"

"I don't know, and I didn't ask! I like my head where it is, thanks. I think he's upset about leaving…Hogwarts is his home, you know. His sister Becca's in my year, she told me once that their father is an alcoholic." Regulus looked up at Remus. "I guess he just doesn't want to go away…he wants to stay here, where he feels safe. You know?"

Remus knew. As far as he knew, however, the only two people who knew what Snape's home life was like—besides Snape and his sister—were Remus and Lily. Their study sessions had evolved into so much more…Remus didn't mind admitting to himself that Snape had become almost like a friend in that short period of time. All of them had secrets, he knew, but he had always been afraid to confide his lycanthropy to them. Lily, too, had kept whatever secrets she had a secret. Snape, however, had opened up to them on a particularly hot day when he had rolled his sleeves up and exposed a nasty sore on his upper arm. When Lily and Remus had expressed concern and asked him what happened, he had broke down sobbing—something Snape _never_ did—and told them both what his father was like. They'd tried to help him, but he had brushed them off and begun avoiding them outside of their study sessions. And Remus could understand Snape not wanting to leave; he didn't much want to face a harsh world that would hate him either.

Realising that Regulus was watching him, waiting for a response, Remus said quietly, "That makes sense. Hogwarts has become a home to a lot of lonely, unwanted kids over the years."

"Yeah, I guess…" Regulus sighed. "I mention this only because I'm kind of worried about him…I know you guys used to be friends or something."

"Insofar as Severus Snape makes friends, of course," Remus murmured.

Regulus winced as he caught Bellatrix staring daggers at him. "Oops…better go. Bella's gonna kill me…later days."

"See you, Regulus." Remus barely registered the boy's departure, instead staring at the doors opening to the grounds. A split second later, he made up his mind and pushed away from the table.

Snape wasn't hard to find. Remus knew exactly where he preferred to sulk: a shadowy corner of the castle where sunlight never seemed to fall. That evening, the nearby bushes were filled with fairies, lighting the path, but Snape had managed to scare up a suitable patch of darkness. "Scare" probably being the operative word; Remus suspected he had chased away the fairies nearest his solitude.

"Severus?"

Snape looked up and scowled. "What do _you_ want, Lupin?"

"I just wanted to talk." Remus took a step closer. "Are you all right? Regulus said you'd been crying."

It was the wrong thing to say. Snape's scowl deepened. "Black going around gossiping about me again, is he?"

"No! No, nothing like that. He mentioned it because he was concerned about you and—"

Snape gave a short, harsh laugh. "That's a good one. Spare me your misplaced platitudes and tell me what you want."

"I told you, I just want to talk." Remus took another step closer, took a deep breath, and held out his hand. "I…I also want to apologise."

"For nearly killing me?" Snape sneered. "It's too late, Lupin, the damage has been done."

"No…I mean yes, but…oh, hang it all, Severus, why must you make this so difficult on me?" Remus said desperately. "I am sorry I nearly killed you…but I assure you, I almost had control of the wolf brain. A split second later I'd've recognised you and left you alone. I didn't want to hurt you and I didn't know you were coming…"

"That's a good one," Snape muttered.

"I'm telling the truth!" Remus practically yelled. "Severus, I didn't come out here to beg for forgiveness, or to ask you to be friends with me again…I don't expect that we can ever go back to the friendship we had before. All I'm asking for is a lack of open hostility…that maybe you can forgive me for not telling you the truth about my…problem."

Snape slowly studied Remus's outstretched hand, then raised his eyes to Remus's face. "Why didn't you tell me? You could have trusted me not to tell."

"I just…I don't know. My parents always treated it like it was something to be ashamed of…I guess it is. I was…" Remus cleared his throat; this was hard for him to say. "I was afraid that if I told you, you wouldn't want to be my friend anymore. There, I said it."

Snape seemed surprised. "A friendship based on dishonesty is no real kind of friendship."

"I know that, and I am sorry about it. I just didn't trust…well, anything really. It's one of my worst faults…one of many, I'm afraid."

"That I doubt." A small half-smile tugged at Snape's lips. "I hope you know it wasn't the lycanthropy that made me stop hanging out with you…or even the fact that you lied to me."

"I know."

"It was the fact that…well, I nearly died that night. I blamed you—I still kind of do, even if it isn't quite fair—and I blamed your other friends. I swear I will _never_ forgive Potter for dragging me out…making me indebted to him. Damn Gryffindor."

"Hey, watch it," Remus said warningly, but he was smiling.

Snape smiled a little too. "You're right, Lupin…we _can't_ be friends like we used to be. However…" He reached out, grasped Remus's hand, and shook it. "Since I know you'll go away if I agree, I'll agree to a lack of open hostility. _If_ you promise not to give me a reason to show it."

"I swear on my honour as a half-blood," Remus said solemnly.

"Good enough for me." Snape nodded curtly and released Remus's hand. "Will you leave me alone now?"

"Sure. Enjoy your solitude…but don't you think you ought to go back into the Great Hall and…you know…say goodbye to a few people? Surely you have some friends you won't ever see again."

Snape hesitated. "Well…I suppose I ought to talk to Ev—Lily at least. Slughorn says she'll go far, it's likely she won't have time for _me_ anymore."

"You don't know that." Remus smiled. "Lily always has time for an old friend."

Snape almost smiled again. "Are you going back in?"

"Maybe in a minute or two," Remus answered. "I just…I dunno, I've spoken to most of the people I wanted to talk to." He looked up and studied the stars. "I love this time of night."

Snape raised an eyebrow. "It suits you. I suppose I'll see you around, Lupin."

"As Regulus would say, 'later days'."

Snape rolled his eyes and stalked off towards the Great Hall. Remus followed him at a bit of a distance, but stopped at the doorway and looked into the room from the doors. The band had struck up a faster tune, a popular swing tune, and all over the room couples were jitterbugging, or trying to. Most of them weren't very good at it. Remus noticed Tonks wincing as Peter stepped on her feet and wondered how she'd managed to get him away from the refreshment table. James and Lily, however, looked like they'd been born on the dance floor. Remus smiled as he watched them whirl across the floor.

"Whatcha looking at?"

Remus turned, startled, then grinned. "Sirius, _there_ you are. I've been looking for you all evening."

"I've been…walking around." Sirius took a few steps closer to the door. "What _are _you looking at?"

Remus pointed. "Everyone dancing…wow, did you see _that?_"

James had suddenly dipped Lily so low she looked as though she was going to snap in two. There were scattered cheers from the surrounding crowd.

"Lucky," Sirius said, sounding almost envious.

Remus raised an eyebrow. "What, you wish you could dip like that?"

"I wish I could _dance_ like that. For that matter…well, never mind."

"No, what?" Remus insisted.

Sirius swallowed and looked out across the room. "I…see, I sort of lied earlier when I said I didn't want to restrict myself to one woman."

"I figured you were." Remus studied his friend. "So, why _did_ you come stag then?"

Sirius took a deep breath. "See…there's this one…I really like them, I mean _really_ like them."

"But…?" Remus prompted.

"But…I don't know." Sirius looked a little uncomfortable. "I don't think they would've said yes if I'd asked…they're here, but I'm afraid to go up and ask them to dance or whatever because I'm afraid they'll say no."

Remus frowned at Sirius. "Siri, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times. Just _ask._ The worst they can do is say no…and hey, there's a fifty-percent chance they'll say yes. If you don't ask, you'll have no chance at all."

"It's more than that," Sirius mumbled. "See, we're friends—have been for a while. I'm kind of afraid that…well, that if they know how I feel about them and they don't feel the same way, I'll lose them as a friend. I don't think I could deal with that."

"Mmm," Remus hummed sympathetically. He was racking his brains trying to come up with a girl Sirius was friends with but might be in love with…and hopefully wasn't already engaged. Marlene, perhaps? "I still say you should go ask. You never know…they might feel the same way. You might be losing out by not talking to them."

"Maybe." Sirius hesitated, then moved forward. "I'll be right back." He slipped into the Great Hall.

As Remus watched, a small figure with dark hair darted out of the crowd and accosted Sirius. Sirius seemed pleased to see his younger brother, and the two talked for a second or two before Regulus melted back into the crowd. Sirius tilted his head; the song was in obviously in its last bars. The song finished and everyone applauded. Sirius nodded, as if in resolution, then turned and walked back to the door where Remus stood.

"Couldn't find her?" Remus inquired as Sirius rejoined him.

"Never said it was a her," Sirius mumbled.

Remus looked up in surprise. Now that he thought on it, Sirius _hadn't_ said "her"…but still, it seemed so natural that Remus had assumed. "Sirius, who on earth…?"

Sirius swallowed hard and stared at his shoes. "Maythisdance?"

Remus blinked. "Wh-what?"

Sirius looked up, blushing a little. "M-may I have this dance?" he stammered.

Remus swallowed hard. _Great,_ he thought to himself. _This is not what I had in mind…not at all. Still…_He smiled a bit. "Yeah, sure."

Sirius's face lit up. A slow song struck up. Hesitantly, he reached out and put his hands on Remus's waist; Remus reached up for Sirius's shoulders, and the two began dancing. Or at least pretending to.

Remus had never felt so awkward in his life, including the time he had gone to the circus and thrown up on the clown's shoes. He and Sirius stood as far apart as their arms could reach, revolving slowly in a circle, each sort of avoiding the other's eyes. Sirius's fingertips barely touched Remus's waist; Remus rested his hands lightly on Sirius's shoulders. He was suddenly acutely aware that his jacket was beginning to fray, particularly right where Sirius's left hand hovered, and he was certain that he had missed part of the hole when patching his sleeve and sure that Sirius would notice it and comment. It was ridiculous; Sirius had known Remus for seven years and never once commented on his clothing, but Remus felt uncomfortable all the same.

The song seemed to last a million years, but in reality it was the shortest song the band had played so far. When it finally drew to a close, a few people in the room clapped like they usually did when a song ended. Remus quickly drew his hands back from Sirius's shoulders. Sirius released Remus's waist, then hesitated. Remus expected him to say something, like what in the name of God's green earth had possessed him to fall in love with _Remus,_ but to his surprise Sirius grabbed him by the upper arms and kissed him.

Remus had been kissed before. His mother was in the habit of kissing his forehead when she said goodnight; his father kissed him on the cheek from time to time before leaving on a long journey. Of course he and Petunia had kissed full on the lips, but it had been nothing—_nothing—_like this: passionate and heartfelt, as though Sirius was putting his entire soul behind it. Before Remus had time to respond—before he really had time to react—Sirius drew back and released his arms, looking embarrassed and a little frightened. He took a step back, staring at Remus for a moment that seemed to hold eternity.

Remus stared right back at Sirius. Shock had left him temporarily bereft of his powers of speech and locomotion. But, he suddenly realised, it wasn't only shock he felt. The shock had begun to wear off, leaving with it new feelings, strange ones at that. His whole face was tingling, as though it had fallen asleep and was beginning to wake up. He opened his mouth to say something…but he never got the chance. Sirius turned and ran across the grounds.


	4. At Long Last Love

Still a little shocked, Remus turned to look in the Great Hall, wondering if he had dreamed the whole thing. But no, Regulus was watching him, his mouth hanging slightly open. When he caught Remus's eye, he grinned and flashed him a double thumbs-up, mouthing, "Congratulations!"

So he hadn't imagined it after all. Remus smiled back, but the smile quickly faded as he realised that Sirius had run off and he had no clue what to do now.

__

Do you love him? a niggling little voice asked in the back of his brain.

Remus considered the question. Of course he had always loved Sirius; they were best friends, almost brothers. Remus would have done anything for him, and he knew Sirius would do the same for him. But did he love Sirius the way Sirius obviously loved Remus? _Could_ he feel the same way about Sirius?

Now there was a question Remus had no trouble answering. He could, and he did. _Do I love him? More than I could have possibly imagined._

Then where's the bad?

Remus glanced at Regulus, jerked his head in the direction Sirius had gone, and shrugged helplessly, his message clear: _What now?_

Regulus grinned and mouthed, "Go for it!"

Remus raised his eyebrows and mouthed, "You think I should?"

Regulus nodded, still grinning.

Remus smiled, flashed him a thumbs-up, and set off after his friend.

Sirius had a large head start and the grounds were pitch-black, but Remus seemed to know instinctively which way to go. Sirius hadn't gone nearly as far as Remus thought he would; he was pacing around a clearing, looking upset and frightened. Remus knew the clearing; the tree nearby was "their" tree, the tree the Marauders always sat and met under.

"Siri?" he said softly.

Sirius's head snapped up. He took a couple of steps toward Remus, then stopped and held his hands out in a placating sort of gesture. "Rem," he said almost pleadingly, his voice raw with emotion. "Remus, I'm so sorry, I…I don't know what came over me. I know what you're about to say and—"

"I love you, Siri," Remus said gently.

Sirius froze. "Wh-what?"

"I love you," Remus repeated. He, too, took a couple of steps towards Sirius, then stopped. "I admit, I was a little…well, to say I was surprised would be the understatement of the century. I was _stunned_ when you just kissed me like that. And it all happened so fast, and you pulled away so soon, that I really didn't have time to sort out exactly how I felt about it before it was over. Right after you ran off, I wasn't sure I hadn't imagined the whole thing. I just…I couldn't think what on earth would possess you to fall in love with _me._ I mean…well, I'm just me. I'm not anything special."

"I think you're something special," Sirius whispered. "You're the only Remus Lupin there is."

Remus smiled a little. "Well…thanks. But…well, I thought about it for a minute, and I asked myself if I loved you. And at first I beat about the bush—you know, like Peter does when he's stalling for time so one of us can give him the answer." Sirius chuckled a little. "I told myself that I've always loved you, that you've been my best friend—and my brother—for the last seven years. I'd walk to hell and back for you, we both know that—and we both know you'd do the same for me. But I wasn't sure if I loved you the way you—the way you love me. I wasn't sure if I could." Remus swallowed hard. "And…and then I realised that not only _could_ I feel the same way about you, that I _did_ feel that way, that I probably have for a long time and I just didn't let myself think about it. Maybe…God, I don't know, maybe there was some part of me that thought I couldn't acknowledge it while we were here, because nobody here would exactly be kind if they found out. Maybe I couldn't think about it while I was living with my parents, because they already consider me a freakish abomination and if they knew I was in love with you I'd've been on the streets long ago. I don't know. I doubt I ever will know." He reached out and gently touched Sirius's cheek; Sirius flinched a little but did not move away. "But the one thing I _do_ know is…I love you, Sirius Black. I always will, come what may."

Sirius swallowed hard a couple of times. He raised a trembling hand and covered Remus's, staring into his eyes. "I love you, too," he whispered. He drew a little closer to Remus and caressed his cheek with a forefinger. "I love you, Remus Lupin," he repeated. "I love you and I'll never stop. Nothing's going to change that."

Sirius slipped his arms around Remus's waist. One hand remained there at the base of his spine, supporting him and keeping him close; the other raised up and pressed against the back of Remus's head. He drew Remus towards him and lowered his lips onto the other boy's. He moved slowly, tenderly, so as not to frighten Remus again and to give him time to prepare. However, Remus had been anticipating it this time. He responded with a will, kissing Sirius back, his arms reaching up to wrap around Sirius's neck. Sirius was taller than Remus by about half a head; he practically lifted Remus off the ground.

Finally, reluctantly, they drew apart. Remus looked up at Sirius and smiled as soft strains of music reached them. "So…how about we try that dance again?"

In lieu of an answer, Sirius smiled and took Remus into his arms again, encircling his waist and drawing him close. Remus reached up and once more wrapped his arms around Sirius's neck.

This dance held none of the earlier awkwardness. Rather than standing as far apart as possible, they held each other close. Rather than avoiding looking at one another, their eyes met as they drank in each as though they couldn't quite get enough of the sight. Remus's lips still tingled from their earlier kiss; every part of his body felt charged with electricity just from standing this close to Sirius. As they spun in a slow circle, Remus felt safer and more at home than he had since he was five years old.

Sirius smiled at him tenderly. "You feel that too?" he whispered. Remus nodded and drew closer to lean his head on Sirius's chest.

The two danced in silence for some time. This time it wasn't Remus's imagination; the song _was_ longer than usual, but unlike before he didn't mind. Finally, Sirius looked down at him. "What is this song? Do you know?"

"Uh…" Remus tried to pull himself together enough to identify the song. He lifted his head off of Sirius's chest and listened for a second. "It sounds like _Sunshine on My Shoulders_ to me. John Denver song…it's really good."

Sirius smiled. "Guess it's 'our' song, huh?"

Remus smiled back. "I guess so."

Sirius tangled the fingers of his right hand in Remus's hair. "You look wonderful," he whispered.

Remus blushed. "Thanks. You do too."

"Well, thanks." Sirius suddenly looked concerned. "Rem…I don't want to alarm you, but…did you know that your hair is, uh…"

"Going grey?" Remus supplied. "Yeah, I noticed that earlier. Dad told me it would probably happen…just didn't realise it would be _this_ premature."

"Does it have to do with your—"

"Lycanthropy? Indubitably. I've never heard of a werewolf yet who lived much beyond forty or fifty."

Sirius looked alarmed. "You feeling all right?"

"I'm fine, Siri," Remus assured him. "Little tired—typical post-full-moon rundown—but I promise, I'm not going to die any time soon. It's you Voldemort is really after right now, remember?"

Sirius smiled a little sadly. "Actually, I've been trying to forget about that for a while. I just…" He tightened his embrace. "I just want to focus on the here and now for the moment. Forget the future, forget our promise, forget our leaving…I just want to think about you."

Remus hugged Sirius a little more tightly. "I'm sorry. What do you propose?"

"Well, certainly not going back into the ball," Sirius answered. "Unless you want to give every seventh year a heart attack, to say nothing of my cousin and my brother."

"Er…actually, I think Regulus already knows," Remus said apologetically.

Sirius stopped as the song ended. "What?"

Remus related what had happened after Sirius had vanished, before Remus had set off after him. "Anyway, that was how I knew for sure that I hadn't imagined everything…and he knows what's going on."

Sirius let his hand play through Remus's hair. "So everyone else knows too."

"No! No, of course not," Remus said hastily. Sirius looked at him in surprise. "I mean, come on, Sirius. Who would Regulus tell? He doesn't get along with Bellatrix, he doesn't really know any of the older kids, he wouldn't be caught dead talking to Tonks or James or Lily…"

"I guess you're right." Sirius hesitated. "Do you…I mean, do you _want_ to tell everyone?"

Remus hesitated. "I…well, that is, you see…"

Sirius chuckled. "I understand. Well, the way I see it, we have two options. One, we can go one at a time back into the ball and mix for a while until the ball ends. Two, we can sneak into the castle another way and bypass the ball entirely."

Remus smiled and ran his hand through Sirius's dark hair. "Well, I sure don't want to spend another hour with that lot. Let's try and find a back way in."

Some time later, Remus rolled onto his side and gave Sirius a gentle smile. "I've never done anything like that," he admitted.

"Me neither." Sirius brushed a lock of greying brown hair off of Remus's face and back behind his ear. "But I can't think of anyone I would have rather shared it with than you."

Remus blushed, his smile deepening. "I…well, thank you."

Sirius leaned over and kissed Remus on the neck, making it momentarily impossible for Remus to think coherently, or indeed breathe. "You sure you've never done this before?" he gasped when Sirius drew back.

"Kissing, my love, is in a category all by itself." Sirius grinned teasingly at Remus. "Are you telling me you never kissed Petunia's neck?"

"No! You kidding? It was only last summer that I managed to work up the courage to kiss her on the lips…and I only even did that once or twice before we broke up." Remus gently traced Sirius's jawline with his forefinger. "It was certainly nothing like this."

Sirius laughed lightly. "Oh, how you do go on."

"No, really," Remus insisted, smiling. "Petunia and I were…well, we were a couple of little kids playing at having a grown-up relationship. And I wasn't kidding earlier, it would never have worked out. Her pride won't let her admit it but she can't stand magic, and the thought of having it in her everyday life after she thought she'd managed to ditch Lily was more than she could stand. This is…well, for a start it's more…I don't know, more real. Second of all, and more importantly…Petunia and I are better at being friends, and even better at being enemies. I did a pretty good job of fooling myself, but…I never loved her." He ran his hand lightly over Sirius's chest. "I love you."

Sirius pulled Remus a little closer to him. "I love you too," he whispered, nuzzling Remus's neck.

Remus felt his bones turning to mush…then suddenly tensed. "Sweet good night!" he breathed. "It's that late already?"

Sirius pulled back slightly and rolled over. His eyes widened as he caught sight of the alarm clock behind him. "Holy—where did those two hours go?"

Remus sat up reluctantly. "I guess the others will start coming back soon…"

"Unfortunately," Sirius sighed. He raised his eyes and looked at Remus. "Is anyone going to believe we came up early and went to bed if we put our pyjamas on and get in bed?"

"I doubt it," Remus answered, reaching for his anyway. "They might believe we came up early and…sat in the common room drinking hot chocolate, maybe?"

Sirius smiled. "I like hot chocolate."

Remus smiled back, picked up his bathrobe, and started for the door. "I'll go get started on that…meet you downstairs in a few minutes."

Sirius caught hold of his arm, pulled him down, and kissed him. "See you," he said with a wink.

Remus left the room, blushing, Sirius's laughter following him down the stairs.


	5. Peace that Passes Understanding

James came up the stairs and into the common room, feeling like he was walking on air. Lily had elected to stay down at the ball until it ended, talking with some of her girlfriends, but he was feeling all partied out and decided to go up to bed. Actually, he'd gone looking for Remus and Sirius, but to no avail. No one had seen Sirius for several hours, and the only person who had seen Remus had been Regulus, who said he had gone outside about two or three hours before.

To James's surprise, however, Sirius was sitting on the sofa in front of the fireplace, wearing his pyjamas and wrapped in a bathrobe, a mug of hot chocolate cradled in his hands. A second mug, this one empty but containing traces of chocolate, sat on a small side table between the sofa and the armchair to its right. Sirius stared distractedly into the fire, scarcely seeming to notice his cocoa.

"Siri?"

Sirius jumped, nearly spilling his hot chocolate, and looked up. Seeing James, he grinned. "Oh…hi, James. Ball all done?"

"Nah. All done ball, but ball not all done." James chuckled. "I love dancing—and God knows I love dancing with Lily—but I swear, one more time around that dance floor and I was going to fake an ankle injury. She wanted to stay and talk to some of her friends, but I begged off and decided to come back here." He looked at Sirius's mug with interest. "Is that hot chocolate?"

"Yup." Sirius nodded to the fire, where a kettle was beginning to steam. "Want some?"

"Oh, God, yes." James noticed Sirius's appearance, then glanced down at his own suit. "Lemme go change first…pyjamas are starting to sound mighty comfy. Be right back…save me some of that hot chocolate."

"Sure thing, mate."

James disappeared upstairs; a second or two later, Remus came back into the common room from the small corridor that led to the bathrooms. "Told you I'd be right back," Remus smiled.

Sirius grinned back. "The kettle's not done boiling yet. I promised James I'd save him some."

Remus sat in the armchair to Sirius's right. "James and Lily are back?"

"James yes, Lily no. The ball isn't over yet, but he was getting tired of dancing. He left Lily to gossip with her girlfriends." Sirius waved his wand and conjured up another mug, which he set on the end table to the left of his sofa. "He went upstairs to change into his pyjamas."

Remus looked a little uncomfortable. "Siri, do you think he might…notice a couple of things?"

Sirius blinked up at him in surprise. "Like what?"

"Oh, I don't know…like the fact that we didn't put away our suits?"

Sirius grinned. "I put 'em away before I came downstairs. It's fine."

"Did you remember to make your bed?"

Sirius opened his mouth to reply, but just then James came clattering down the stairs and joined the cluster by the fire. "Told you…oh, hey, Rem! You came up early too?"

Remus smiled. "I had no reason to stay down there. I'd talked to everyone I wanted to talk to…and as you know, I went alone."

The kettle whistled; Sirius lifted it off the fire, added cocoa to both Remus's and James's mugs, poured in the boiling water, and stirred for a second. "There you go."

"Ta," James said gratefully, accepting his mug and sipping it.

Remus looked at James over the rim of his cup. "So, did you ask her, then?"

James grinned. "Yup. She said yes, if you can believe it."

"I believe it, all right. Congratulations, mate."

"Thanks." James hesitated, then glanced at Sirius. "Siri…I want to ask you. Would you be my best man?"

Sirius blinked in surprise. "Well…sure! I mean…hey, that's what brothers are for, right?"

James grinned, then turned to Remus. "Of course, Remus, I want you to stand up with me as well."

"No problem," Remus promised. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Great." James sipped his hot chocolate and an easy, companionable silence lapsed over the group. After a second, he added casually, "So…who was she?"

Sirius looked up in surprise. "Who was who?"

"The girl whichever one of you had up in our dorm."

Remus choked on his hot chocolate, and if you've never had hot chocolate come out your nose it's not an experience I recommend trying. "Wh-what on earth…?" he coughed. "What makes you think one of _us_ had a girl up there?"

James shrugged. "I can never remember which one of your beds is on which side of that nightstand, but whichever one of you is on the right obviously had a girl up there…the sheets are tangled and the pillows are in disarray. I _know_ the signs."

"How, exactly, do _you_ 'know the signs'?" Sirius asked, raising one eyebrow.

"What, you think I've been going out with Lily for an entire school year and never done it with her?" James grinned. "You just never caught me. So, which one of you was it?"

Sirius shook his head slowly. "James, my _dear_ friend, I assure you I am telling the God's honest truth…neither Remus nor I was up there shagging some girl."

James raised his eyebrows at Remus. "Remus? Is he telling the truth?"

Remus squirmed. "Yes…of course he's telling the truth…"

"But?" James prompted. "You can't lie even by omission, Rem."

Remus set down his mug and looked helplessly at Sirius, who set down his own mug, came over, and slid into the armchair, squeezing into the small space next to Remus so that he was practically sitting on Remus's lap. He put his arm around Remus's shoulders and gazed levelly at James. Cottoning on, Remus slipped his arm around Sirius's waist and looked over as well.

James looked from one to the other, comprehension and denial dawning at the same time. "Oh, no. No, no, no. Don't tease me like this, guys."

"I'd never tease about something this important," Sirius informed him, squeezing Remus a little more tightly.

James still seemed incredulous, but at the same time pleased. "Really? You really…_really?_"

"Yes, really, really," Remus said with a smile.

James grinned. "Well, that's…that's great!"

Remus was surprised; he hadn't expected any of their friends to be supportive if they knew. "You really think so?"

"Sure. I can't think of anyone more deserving than you two." James flashed them both a megawatt grin. "But, jeez, you guys are way better at keeping secrets than I am."

"How so?" Sirius asked.

"Come on, Sirius, you remember when I first fell in love with Lily? It wasn't half an hour before I told you guys. How long has it been?"

Remus and Sirius exchanged puzzled glances. "Since when?" Sirius finally asked.

James looked from one to the other as though they were the biggest morons on the planet. "Since you guys…you know…hooked up. Since you fell in love…since you started being 'together'. I bet you went stag tonight so the whole world wouldn't know…"

Sirius shook his head. "James, old friend, I went stag because I was afraid to ask Remus, I was convinced he'd say no if I did. Remus went stag because he honestly thought that no one would want to go with him."

James frowned. "Wait…but…if you were…"

"We weren't, James," Remus said quietly.

"But—wait! When did you—you aren't answering my question. How long has it been?"

"Er—" Remus checked his watch, then looked up sheepishly. "Two hours?"

Sirius checked his own watch. "Two hours, five minutes, ten seconds. Plus one conversation, one kiss and one dance."

James's eyebrows shot up. "Blimey. You two don't beat about the bush, do you?"

Remus crimsoned. "I—that is, we—you see—"

"It's okay, Remus," James laughed. "I'm not…you know…yelling at you or anything. I'd just point out that you're acting like…well…"

"Teenagers?" Sirius suggested.

"Exactly…oh, wait." James looked sheepish. "Guess that's not much of an acting stretch, is it?"

Sirius and Remus both laughed. After a second, James did too. "Congratulations, you guys."

"Thanks." Sirius stood up and returned to the sofa; Remus curled up a little in the chair. "This calls for a celebration. Hot cocoa all around!"

James laughed and raised his mug. Sirius and Remus followed suit. They clinked their mugs together, then leaned back and drank happily.

After a moment or two, James set his mug down. "Okay, I gotta ask. Was tonight…you know…had either of you done that before? With anyone else, I mean?"

Remus blushed furiously and shook his head. Sirius, however, just grinned. "Nah, I never had a girlfriend long enough. And let's face it, Prongs…Petunia Evans has about as much sex appeal as road kill. And quite frankly, if road kill turns you on, I don't want to hear about it."

James burst out laughing. "So let me make sure I've got this straight. You two have never, before tonight, acknowledged that either one of you had any feelings for the other—in Remus's case, never realised it. Then about two and half hours ago you discovered you were in love, kissed, danced, and, for lack of a better term, shagged each other, which happened to be the first time for both of you."

Remus was at this point so red it hurt. "Gosh, when you put it like _that…_"

Sirius laughed as well, setting down his mug before he spilled it. "It's a little more complicated than that, James. We were watching you and Lily jitterbug…I mentioned, without specifying name or gender, that there was someone I really liked but hadn't been able to work up the courage to ask out, mainly because I was afraid it would affect our friendship if said person didn't feel the same. Remus told me to just go ahead and _ask_ whoever it was…I walked inside, said hi to Regulus, waited for the song to finish, then walked back outside and asked him to dance. We stood about as far apart as we could…but once the song was over, I acted recklessly—big surprise—and kissed him. Then I…I sort of got a little scared at what he'd think and ran for it. He tracked me down and…well, he told me that he felt the same way I did."

"Now that I think on it, I've probably felt this way for a while and just hadn't realised it," Remus added. "I mean…remember this morning, after graduation, when you told me I had a home with you?"

"Yeah," Sirius answered, smiling at Remus.

Remus smiled back. "Well…when you put your hand on my shoulder, it was like…I don't know. I felt almost…safe. Peaceful." He swallowed hard. "Wanted."

"You are." Sirius caressed the side of Remus's cheek with the backs of his pointer and middle fingers.

James clasped his hands together and tilted his head to one side. "Isn't that sweet? I think I need extra insulin."

Without missing a beat, Sirius lifted one of the pillows off the sofa and threw it at James, who took it full in the face. Remus chuckled. _Some_ things never changed.


	6. Wedding Bells

"Oh, blast it," Sirius grumbled. He undid the buttons for the umpteenth time and made sure to line up the buttonholes with the buttons this time.

Remus shook his head, a teasing light in his eyes. "You know, Siri, it's usually the _groom_ who's so nervous he can't dress himself properly, not the best man."

"The groom has not yet put in an appearance," Sirius said haughtily. "And give me a break—the light's shoddy in this corner. I can't exactly see what I'm doing."

Remus chuckled. "I was teasing. And James will be here in a minute or two."

As he spoke, the door swung open and James bustled in, clutching a garment bag and grumbling. "Had to go the long way around…Al and Marly and Petunia accosted me and made me take the back stairs so I wouldn't walk past and 'accidentally' see Lily before the wedding. I'm not late, am I?"

"No, you're fine," Remus assured him, tying his shoe. "How are you feeling?"

"Bloody petrified," James muttered, collapsing in a chair as Frank entered and closed the door behind him. "How'd you get through this without hurling?"

"Who says I did?" Frank chuckled. "Vomiting is the body's way of saying you've got too much crap inside and need to get it out, don't knock it till you've tried it."

"Thanks, I'll pass." James smiled weakly, then started putting himself together.

"James," Remus said patiently. "That's your shirt. It doesn't go on your legs."

"Oh, right," James said sheepishly, shrugging into the shirt. He stopped, frowning. "Odd…this feels a lot different than it did in the shop…"

"That's because you're putting it on upside-down, mate," Sirius told him.

Remus glanced at Sirius, rolled his eyes, snatched the tie out of his hands, and did it up for him. "Someday," he told Sirius, "you and I are going to sit down together and you are going to learn to tie a tie."

"Yes, sir," Sirius said with a teasing grin.

Frank helped straighten James out. As the groom peered into the mirror, desperately trying to tame his unruly hair, the door opened yet again and an older wizard with a crop of white hair sticking up in all directions came into the room. He smiled at James. "Nervous, James?"

James turned and tried to grin. "A little, Dad. Okay, a lot," he admitted as his father raised an eyebrow.

Adonijah Potter chuckled. "Been there, done that. Just remember, son…the important thing is that, at the end of the ceremony, you're married to her. And you—" He pointed an accusing finger at Sirius. "If you try what you tried at the rehearsal last night, I will personally staple you to the steeple."

Remus and Frank both laughed, while Sirius looked slightly chagrined. The previous evening, when the pastor had glossed over the "does anyone see why these people shouldn't get married" part, Sirius had spoken up with, "My client pleads not guilty by reason of temporary insanity." Remus had elbowed him hard and he'd shut up, but it had taken a few minutes to calm the rest of the wedding party down.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Potter," Sirius said meekly. "I was only kidding."

Adonijah laughed and clapped Sirius on the shoulder. "Ah, I'm only pickin' on you, kid. I know you wouldn't do that."

There was a sudden knock at the door. A loud, harsh voice barked out, "Special delivery, boutonnieres for the ushers."

Remus groaned softly. "Of course she got Petunia to deliver them…" he muttered to no one in particular. "Okay, hold on," he yelled back. Since he was still the only one finished dressing, he walked over to the door and slipped outside.

Petunia stood in front of him, scowling slightly, wearing a rather becoming yellow dress and clutching a box. "Oh…hello, Remus." She thrust the box at him. "The red one's for the best man, the white ones are for the other two…whoever the hell they are."

"One is me. The other one is Frank Longbottom." Remus took the box. "Thanks, Penny."

He winced; he'd used his old nickname for her without thinking. She looked a little uncomfortable too. "Remus…I thought…I mean, we were over."

"We _are_ over," Remus stressed. "I'm sorry, Petunia…I shouldn't have called you that…"

"No, I don't mind," Petunia said quickly. "It's just…you should know that I'm married now."

Remus's eyebrows shot up. "Since when?"

Petunia raised her chin proudly. "Two months. To Vernon Dursley."

"_Ver—_I thought you hated him!" Remus said in surprise.

"Well…not as much as I thought I did." Petunia studied him suspiciously. "Have you moved on? Found a new love and all that?"

Remus hesitated, then nodded. "Yeah, I have."

"Fantastic." Petunia grinned and gave him a chaste, friendly kiss on the cheek. "See you at the wedding."

"See you, Mrs. Dursley."

Petunia stuck her tongue out at him as she retreated. Remus shook his head and went back into the room.

James glanced up and raised his eyebrows. "Um…Rem? Did you know you have lipstick on your cheek?"

"I do?" Remus glanced in the mirror. "Oh, blast." He grabbed a tissue and quickly wiped it off.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, pretending to look hurt. "The maid of honour not over you yet or something?"

"First of all, she's the matron of honour, and second of all it was just friendly," Remus informed him. "You know that."

"I know. I was teasing."

James looked surprised. "_Matron_ of honour? Who's she married to?"

"Vernon Dursley, if you can believe it," Remus answered, handing Frank one of the boutonnieres, then fixing Sirius's before donning his own. He glanced around the room. "We ready to go?"

James smiled weakly. "As ready as I'll ever be."

Adonijah checked his watch and gave his son a hug. "I'd better go sit down, and you four ought to get ready to come out." He levelled a finger at Remus. "Remus, I'm counting on you to keep these fellows straight. Ten minutes."

"Yes, sir," Remus said respectfully, nodding. "We'll be there."

"You'd better." Father smiled at son. "Good luck, son."

"Thanks, Dad." James kept smiling until his father had left the room, then collapsed onto a chair. "_Ten minutes?_ My God, I'm not ready for this yet. 'As ready as I'll ever be' isn't ready enough."

Sirius put his hands on his friend's shoulders. "James, for God's sake, _breathe._ You're going to be fine. You'll go out there and stand in front of the church for a while, and the bridesmaids will come down the aisle and take their places, and then Lily's father will escort her up the aisle and you'll forget everything but how beautiful she looks and how lucky you feel. The preacher will say some official-type things, you'll repeat your vows, you'll give her the rings, you'll kiss the bride, you'll be married, and you'll wonder what the hell you were so nervous about."

"For someone who's never been married, that's a remarkably accurate description," Frank observed. "Although you did leave one thing out, Sirius."

"What's that?" James asked, looking up.

Frank smiled. "She's just as nervous as you are, mate. But the important thing is…you made it this far. She loves you enough to be here, to stand up with you and to agree to be your wife. And when you see her in the dress, her eyes on you and her father at her elbow, she'll be so nervous that you'll forget to be nervous yourself, because you'll be too busy calming her down. It'll be okay."

James managed a grin. "Thanks, mates."

Remus glanced at his watch. "Ready?"

"Ready or not, we'd best go." James rose to his feet. "Come on, comrades. Once more into the breach."

James and his groomsmen took their places at the front of the church. Sirius stood closest to the groom, followed by Frank, then Remus. They waited for a while as the waiting guests slowly quieted…and then the music changed. The song was a lyrical hymn that Remus couldn't quite place, but it had obviously been selected for the bridesmaids to walk up the aisle. Petunia led the way; a few steps behind her came Alice, then Marlene. Marlene took her position as the last bars of the hymn faded away…and then the music changed again.

Remus knew that his friends had opted out of the typical wedding march, but he hadn't expected the bridal march to be _Morning Has Broken,_ although as it was Lily's favourite hymn he supposed he should have guessed. As Lily began processing up the aisle, clutching her father's arm, Remus noticed James stiffen.

Lily looked stunning. The dress suited her perfectly; it was a sleeveless white gown with a bell skirt and few embellishments, only a single pearl at the neckline. Her arms were ensconced in long white gloves; her dark red hair was piled on top of her head and fringed with a lacy white veil. She clutched a bouquet of—what else?—white lilies, and her face was rapturous, her smile the perfect bride's smile. Remus allowed himself a smile as they reached the front of the aisle.

He really paid very little attention to the proceedings; he was more interested in watching James's face, not to mention Lily's. Sirius and Frank had been right; James seemed to have forgotten his own nerves. Lily, too, seemed calm, if enraptured. They repeated their vows—Remus heard Lily's mother snuffling from the front row of the bride's side of the church—the preacher turned to Sirius and requested the rings. Sirius pulled the two bands out of his pocket and handed them over; Remus recognised the Celtic knot. Each ring also had a single moonstone and a single garnet on either side of a fire opal, symbolising their birthdays and the date of their wedding. The preacher blessed the rings, James slid one onto Lily's finger and she slid one onto his, repeating something about the rings…and the preacher closed his hymnal gently. "You may kiss the bride."

James lifted Lily's veil and kissed her, one of the most drawn-out kisses they'd ever had in public. Remus felt his heart swell at the sight. As they drew apart and turned to the congregation, the preacher announced, "May I present Mr. and Mrs. James Adonijah Potter."

The guests applauded and rose to their feet as the recessional struck up. James and Lily proceeded down the aisle first, followed by Sirius and Petunia, then Frank and Alice, then Remus and Marlene. Remus felt like he was walking on air. It was all over. James and Lily were married.


	7. Receptions

**A/N: Hey, folks. This story is complete--but don't worry, this isn't the last chapter! There are forty-five total chapters, and this is only Chapter 7! Okeydokes...bet you want the story now, huh? On with it, then!**

* * *

Sirius caught Remus's arm before they went into the room where the reception was to be held. "You planning on going in?" 

Remus knew what Sirius was really asking, but he just smiled. "Sorry, Siri, I promised James I'd handle the music. And you're the best man, you can't skip out yet. You've got to make some kind of speech, remember? Tradition."

"Oh, yeah." Sirius heaved a theatrical sigh. "Well, I guess we won't be doing much dancing then."

"Thanks, but no thanks. I've got to stick with the music."

"Remind me again how you got roped into the music?"

"I'm the only one of James's friends who understands tape cassettes and vinyl records."

"Whozima whatsits?"

"Exactly." Remus laughed. "It's okay, though, James made it clear he wants it over by eight."

Sirius checked his watch. "Bloody hell, it's only five."

"I know, and don't forget, we're going to dinner with them before they leave on their honeymoon." Remus smiled at the look of mock horror on Sirius's face. "It's only a few more hours. You'll live."

"I hope so." Sirius kissed Remus, gave him a smile that turned his legs to jelly, and went into the room. Remus watched him go for a second, then smiled and entered the room.

People milled around, waiting for the bride and groom to arrive. Finally, after about five minutes, Sirius peeked out the door and turned around in great excitement. "Here they come!" he announced.

Remus poised his finger over the _play_ button on the cassette player; it had taken him several weeks and a lot of help from a friend of his to compile this particular tape. Sirius yanked the door open, and as the bride and groom walked into the room…Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus" filled the room. Lily glared daggers at Remus, but she was laughing. James was beet-red with embarrassment, but laughing as well.

The music faded away, leaving Lily and James in the middle of the dance floor. A second later, soft music filled the room and the two began to dance. James caught Remus's eye and mouthed _Thanks_. Remus grinned back, deciding not to mention how difficult it had been to find this particular song. It wasn't exactly right either; the song was "Till There Was You," which was James and Lily's song, but when they had first heard it the Beatles had been singing it. The album it was on was rather hard to find, and it was too expensive for Remus when he had. He'd wound up resorting to a copy of Shirley Jones from _The Music Man._

Handling the music didn't really take too much of Remus's concentration, leaving him free to watch his friends. Sirius simply sat at a small table equidistant from the music table and the dance floor, sipping champagne. James and Lily danced some but made sure to greet each of their guests personally.

After an acceptable amount of time had passed, Remus stopped the music and nodded to James, who led Lily over to the table where the cake stood.

James and Lily's mothers had both contributed to its creation, and Remus had to admit that it was the most creative and touching wedding cakes he'd ever seen. One side looked like a traditional wedding cake, white with perfectly sculpted red flowers; that side came from Catherine Evans, who was a chronic perfectionist. The other side, however, was decidedly original; while it was still white, it had been sprinkled liberally with coloured sugar in red and gold, then decorated with lurid purple curlicues and bright green squiggles. Hope Potter beamed proudly as someone complimented the…_interesting_ decorating pattern.

A small girl, Lily's cousin Alyssa, picked up the cake knife and handed it to Lily. James laid his hand on top of hers, and together they cut the first slice of cake, from the border between their mother's decorations. The resultant piece of cake had a single flower and half a curlicue sprinkled with sugar. Each took a fork, scooped some of the cake off the plate, and turned to the other. James fed Lily his forkful. Lily started to…but then abruptly lifted her hand and smeared the cake on his face.

Charity Brewster, James's favourite aunt, who had been roped into doing the wedding picture, snapped a photograph of the surprised groom with icing up his nose. Sirius dropped his glass he was laughing so hard. After a while, things calmed down and people began chatting and eating the cake. Charity wandered around with her camera, taking pictures as she went.

_Click!_ She got a snapshot of Catherine telling her daughter off for her "unruly behaviour" while Mark Evans shook with suppressed laughter behind her.

_Click!_ James's cousin, six-year-old Spencer Haphram, holding a plate up to his face as a shield while Alyssa tried to kiss him.

_Click!_ A nice candid of Lily, her arm on James's, smiling and laughing as she tried to apologise, with Sirius standing next to them laughing.

_Click!_ _Click! Click!_

After a few minutes, Remus met Sirius's eyes and gave him a look that said _it's time,_ then killed the music. Everyone got quiet as Sirius rose to his feet.

"I'd just like to say a few words," he said loudly, which had the effect of silencing the rest of the room. James looked apprehensive and Lily looked like she would kill him if he made some sort of drunken toast, but Remus knew Sirius better than that. If Sirius had been at all drunk, he would have pointed to his glass before Remus could stop the music. Moreover, he wouldn't cause a spectacle at his best friend's wedding by getting himself soused.

Taking a deep breath, Sirius turned to James and Lily. "James, Lily, you know I'm no good at speeches, but…well, I hope life treats you kindly, and I hope you have all you ever dreamed of." Remus was amazed to see tears forming in Sirius's eyes. "I wish you joy…and happiness…but above all this, I wish you love."

The guests began clapping, slowly at first, then faster and louder. James was evidently blinking back tears as well. He walked over to where Sirius stood and embraced him; Sirius hugged him back. "Thanks, mate," James said quietly. "That meant a lot to us."

"No problem," Sirius sniffled as they pulled back. "I meant every word of it."

Remus started the music again, wiping a couple tears out of his own eyes. A slow smile crossed his face as he realised what song was up next. Sirius, in the process of resuming his seat, glanced up at Remus and smiled. The song was _Sunshine on My Shoulders._

_

* * *

_

"That was a beautiful speech, Sirius," Lily said later that evening. "I confess, I thought you were going to embarrass the living daylights out of us, but…"

"I wouldn't have done that," Sirius said, genuinely surprised. "Frankly, Lily, I'm a little hurt that you'd think I would have."

"You must admit, your track record is against you," Lily objected.

"I joke around a lot, but Lily, you obviously don't know me very well or you'd know that I would never have embarrassed you," Sirius said quietly. "Not at your wedding, anyway. I wouldn't have ruined what was supposed to be the most perfect evening of your lives."

James chuckled. "We both knew you were going to make some kind of speech—it's tradition—but she was convinced you were going to get drunk before you did. I told her that if you were _that_ drunk, you'd beg off making a speech."

Sirius shook his head. "I would have, too. I'm sorry if I worried you unduly."

"Don't worry about it." James took a sip of his water. "Hey, thanks for coming along with us tonight."

"Thanks for asking us," Sirius answered. "It's not every couple who spends the first hours of their wedding night with their best friends."

James laughed a little. "That's why we're doing this, mate. We're going to be gone for two months, so we thought we'd spend one last night as the four of us before…well, before."

Remus squeezed Sirius's hand under the table and nodded. "Makes sense."


	8. So I'll Cherish

__

Rrrrring! Rrrrring!

"Oh, whose idea was that damned telephone?" Sirius mumbled, his face buried in Remus's neck.

"Yours, I think," Remus half-gasped.

__

Rrrrring! Rrrrring!

"Maybe one of us should get that," Remus murmured, not terribly convincingly. He didn't really want to stop what they were doing.

"It's probably just a telemarketer," Sirius said dismissively, kissing Remus's shoulder and running a hand down his ribs.

With immense difficulty, Remus pushed a surprised Sirius off of him. "Siri…it's almost midnight. Whoever it is wouldn't call unless it was important."

Sirius looked at Remus in surprise, then sighed and reached for the telephone.

__

Rrrrring! Rrrr—

Sirius snatched the telephone off the cradle and jammed it against his ear. "H'llo?" he mumbled.

"Sirius?" It was James, his voice sounding a little shaky. "It's me."

"Your timing's lousy," Sirius grumbled, glancing over at Remus, who had rolled onto his side.

"Forgive me for interrupting your beauty sleep," James snapped, his voice dangerously sarcastic. "My dad didn't plan his heart attack in advance."

"_What?_" Sirius bolted upright, alarmed. Remus rose up on his elbows, looking worried. "When?"

"Just a few minutes ago," James answered, and now Sirius could hear the tears in his voice. "Mum contacted me in a panic…Lily and I just got here."

"Where are you?" Sirius asked urgently.

He heard James gulp on the other end of the line. "Abbey Practice."

Sirius tried to think where it was. "That's in London, isn't it?"

"Dover." James sounded close to panic. "They won't let me in to see him…just Mum…I'm really worried."

"Hold on, we're coming," Sirius promised. He hung up the telephone and threw back the bedcovers.

"Siri? What's wrong?" Remus asked anxiously.

Sirius turned. "James's dad had a heart attack."

Remus's eyes widened. "Oh, poor James…where are they?"

Sirius tugged on his blue jeans. "Hospital in Dover. I told him we'd be right there."

"Damn straight." Remus grabbed for the blue jeans he had discarded.

The two were dressed in a matter of moments and dashing out the door. Sirius paused at the closet only long enough to grab his leather jacket and Remus's blue jean jacket. "Come on!" he called over his shoulder, rushing to the shed adjacent to the small house the two men shared.

Remus hesitated. "Siri, wouldn't it be faster just to…"

"Just come on!" Sirius insisted. Remus sighed and hurried to catch up with his lover, who had already slung one leg over the seat of the large flying motorbike his friends had given him for his sixteenth birthday. Remus climbed up behind him and wrapped his arms around Sirius's waist, closing his eyes in preparation against the inevitable.

Sirius switched on the bike and gunned the motor; the motorbike shot off down the street at nearly twice the safe speed. "Hang on!" he yelled back to Remus, who screwed up his eyes and gripped Sirius tighter. A second later, the bike and the two men were airborne.

Once they were up in the air, Remus didn't mind the ride so much, although he had never been much of a fan of heights. "I still think Apparation would've been faster," he yelled to Sirius, his voice raised to be heard over the roar of the motor.

"Could you concentrate properly with something like this over your head?" Sirius shouted back. "Yeah, we might've got there faster but I probably would have splinched myself--or you--in the process. This is safer."

"If you say so," Remus said uncertainly.

The bike finally touched down outside a large hospital, fortunately in the back where few would see them. Sirius turned the motor off and helped Remus down, and together they hurried into the hospital.

Inquiries with a nurse yielded that James and Lily would be in the waiting room. Sirius led the way down the hall, where they found Lily sitting in a chair looking anxious and James pacing back and forth like a caged animal.

"James?" Sirius asked, hurrying up to his friend. "How is he?"

James shook his head. "I don't know…they won't let me in to see him…Mum's in with him, but I can't do a damn thing but stand here and panic."

"Hey, calm down," Remus said gently, putting a hand on James's shoulder. "Your dad will be okay."

"How do you know?" James barked, jerking away.

"Because he will," Remus answered, his voice calm and unruffled. "If he survives, that's great, and he'll be fine. If he dies…well, he'll be okay then too, because he won't be sick or hurt anymore. And I know I sound like I'm giving a lecture on death to a five-year-old, but…well, the last time I knew anyone who died it was my grandfather, and that was how my mother explained it to me." He shrugged a little. "Sorry."

James sighed and dropped into a chair, his face buried in his hands. "I appreciate it, Remus, really I do, but…somehow, I don't think it's going to help. I just hope my dad's going to be all right."

Sirius sat down next to him, Lily on the other side. Remus knelt down on the floor in front of James and looked up at him anxiously.

They sat like that for a few minutes, trying to comfort James. Suddenly, the door opened.

All four of them rose to their feet and turned towards the door as Hope Potter came into the room, her face pale and drawn. Sirius felt his stomach drop into his shoes at the sight of her face. _It's too late,_ he thought numbly. _He's gone._

"Mum?" James asked. His voice was high, almost frightened, like a small child who's had a nightmare. "Mummy, how's Dad?"

Hope raised her eyes to look at her son and put her hands on his shoulders. "Jamie, honey, he…he's gone to a better place."

James met his mother's eyes for a long minute, then suddenly broke down and bawled like a baby. Hope held him and cried. Sirius, Remus, and Lily looked at each other helplessly, then tried to comfort the grieving family. Somehow, Sirius knew it wasn't going to be enough.

"Do you need us to stay?" Remus asked after a while.

James shook his head, fishing through his pockets for a tissue. "No…no…you guys can go," he murmured. "Sorry I woke you up earlier…"

"Weren't asleep," Sirius said with an attempt at a smile. "Okay, if you're sure you don't need us…"

James shook his head again. "No…I'll call you once we've got the…the funeral arrangements going. I mean, I guess you'll want to come…"

"Of course we will," Sirius promised. "He meant a lot to us too."

Remus put a hand on James's shoulder. "Take care of yourself, James. We'll see you later."

Twenty minutes later, Remus unlocked the front door and let Sirius in. They hung up their jackets, returned to their bedroom, and changed into their pyjamas without saying anything. Two hours before Sirius had been irritated at James for interrupting them, but somehow it didn't seem as important now. Remus snuggled up against Sirius's chest; Sirius silently put his arms around Remus and held him close.

Neither said anything for a while, contenting themselves with the comfort of one another's presence. "I can't believe he's really gone," Remus said finally.

Sirius buried his face in the top of Remus's head. "Neither can I. He always seemed so imposing…I thought he'd go on forever."

"Me, too." Remus looked up at Sirius. "I guess…I guess no one goes on forever, do they? I mean…if Adonijah Potter can die, just like that…what hope is there for the rest of us? How long can we hold out?"

Sirius tightened his embrace. "Don't talk like that. Nothing's going to happen to us."

"Man is mortal, Siri," Remus said softly. "We all have to die sooner or later."

"I'd rather it be later than sooner." Sirius's voice shook. "Sweetheart, _please._ Ever since that first night…since you told me that werewolves didn't live much beyond forty or fifty…I've been praying that it was just their own stupidity that got them killed and not the condition itself. Fifty is too young. Forty is _way_ too young. You'll be fine. I'll be fine. We'll live to see James's grandkids have grandkids. We'll grow old together and make a million memories…and when we die, no one who sees us will doubt that we had a long and happy life together."

Remus closed his eyes, feeling tears begin to trickle down his face. "I…I want to believe."

Sirius lifted his chin and looked lovingly into his eyes. "Believe, Rem." He bent down and kissed Remus, speaking around his lips. "Believe."


	9. Tentin' on the Old Campground

James sighed and stretched. "Ah, this is the _life!_"

"For what?" Sirius grumbled, slapping at a mosquito. "A masochist?"

"Oh, quit complaining," Remus said, nudging him. "_I'm_ having fun. And you have to admit, this is relaxing."

"Oh, yeah, definitely," Sirius said sarcastically. "If I get any more relaxed I'll be dead."

James rolled his eyes. "Shut up, mate. You didn't have to come, you know."

Remus tugged up his fishing line. James had decided, almost spur-of-the-moment, to have a Marauder's fishing trip. Peter had begged off, claiming he couldn't get time off work, but both Sirius and Remus had come along.

"Yeah, I know I didn't," Sirius said, running a hand through his hair. "But you were going, and Remus said he wanted to go…I figured someone's got to go along to keep you two from going nuts."

James snorted. "If you're the one who's got to keep us all sane, we're doomed."

"Like you do any better, you—"

"Sirius, you've got a bite!" Remus interrupted. "Can't you see your line pulling?"

Sirius looked in surprise at the fishing line, which was in fact jerking. Remus dropped his pole and grabbed Sirius's. He played the fish for a minute or two, then hand over hand pulled the line in, holding up a brown fish with long tendrils on its face.

"That is one ugly fish," Sirius commented.

"It's a catfish. They're everywhere in these sorts of lakes." Remus unhooked the line from the fish's lip and glanced at James. "We keeping these or throwing 'em back?"

"I don't know how to gut fish."

"Neither do I." Remus tossed the fish back into the water.

Sirius frowned. "If you're not going to keep the fish, what's the point of fishing?"

"Well, when you aren't complaining the whole time, it's quite relaxing," Remus said with a teasing smile.

Sirius tried to glare at Remus, but he started laughing. "Okay, okay, I get the picture. I'll shut up."

James stretched. "Glad you guys could come along. How'd you manage to get time off work?"

"I've stuck with the job for a year, most barkeeps don't last more than a few months," Sirius shrugged. "My boss was more than willing to give me a week off."

"I got fired," Remus said softly. "Again. Missed too many days."

James frowned. "How many days did you miss?"

"Three this month. Three last month. Three the month before that."

"Oh, right. Jeepers, you're sure pulling the lottery on lousy bosses."

"Or really good ones, who don't want to see their workers taking off time every month."

"No, lousy ones," Sirius said with surprising vehemence. "Any decent boss wouldn't mind as long as you weren't missing weeks at a time."

Remus shook his head. "Need I remind you that your boss fired me too?"

"Never said my boss was decent." Sirius shook his head. "Remus, you ought to try to get a job with someone who won't mind so much."

Remus blushed slightly. "Well…er…your dad offered me a job, but…"

"_What?_ Remus John Lupin, you cannot honestly tell me you were considering a job with—with _him?_" Sirius yelped, jumping to his feet in surprise.

"No!" Remus protested. "No, of course not. You know there's no way I'd take the job…it'd mean having to denounce my mother…and you. I can't do that."

Sirius relaxed and sat down again. "I'm sorry, sweetheart," he said softly. "I just…you didn't grow up with him, you don't know what he's like. He might pretend to accept you but he'd just treat you awful and pay you as little as he could…just because he knows you'd have trouble getting a job somewhere else." He took Remus into his arms, fishing poles—and James—forgotten. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm sorry, too," Remus said, looking up at Sirius. "I shouldn't have brought it up…I just wasn't thinking. You know I wouldn't consider it for a second."

"I know." Sirius brushed Remus's hair out of his eyes, then leaned over and kissed him tenderly. Remus kissed him back, slipping his arms around Sirius's waist.

They probably would have stayed like that longer, except that James's voice brought them back to reality. "Do you two realise this is the first time you've displayed affection for each other in front of me?"

Sirius drew back and turned to James, looking both embarrassed and concerned. "Oh, gosh. Is it making you too uncomfortable? Because…"

"No, no, you're fine," James said, smiling at them. "It's just that I've heard you two talk about how much you love each other, but it wasn't until just now that I actually saw it. For that matter, Siri, I've never heard you call _anyone_ 'sweetheart', let alone Remus."

Remus blushed. "He doesn't…not very often…usually when we're both kind of stressed."

James gave a crooked sort of grin to his two best friends. "I won't lie…I wondered for a while how I would feel if I saw you two snogging or whatever, if I would feel…uncomfortable…having tangible evidence that my two best friends were not only gay but madly in love with each other. But when I saw you two a second ago I realised…you aren't that different from Lily and me. Except that if either one of you tells me that you want to go on a camping trip because you want one last chance to be a kid before you grow up because the other one is going to have a baby, I might get a little freaked out."

Sirius's eyebrows shot up. "Lily's pregnant?"

James blushed. "I didn't tell you? Yeah, we found out just before I asked you guys to come camping with me. She's due in December."

"Well, congratulations!" Sirius jumped to his feet. "This calls for a celebration. Who's up for a swim?"

--

Sirius rolled over and reached for his watch, then brought the face up close to his so he could see it in the almost non-existent light. _Four o'clock in the morning. Damn. I didn't know they even _had_ a four o'clock in the morning._

Sighing, he set his watch down and stared at the ceiling. He'd been waking up off and on through the night, unable to get a good night's sleep. Not used to the quiet of the country—and having grown, in the last year, accustomed to Remus's skin against his—he simply couldn't get comfortable.

A smile crossed his face as he thought of Remus. Turning his head towards the sleeping bag his lover had been sleeping in, the smile faded when Sirius realised that Remus's sleeping bag was empty.

A little worried, Sirius struggled out of his sleeping bag and crawled towards the door. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Remus sitting on the rock they'd been fishing off of, one knee drawn to his chest, studying the stars. Smiling again, Sirius scrambled out of the tent, carefully zipped it behind him, and approached the rock.

"Hey."

Remus turned, startled, and smiled warmly when he saw who it was. "Morning, Siri."

"Is it really?" Sirius responded, and Remus laughed. "You couldn't sleep either?"

"No." Remus seemed surprised. "I mean, I slept fine. I usually wake up this early."

"I didn't know that." Now it was Sirius's turn to be surprised.

"You didn't notice that I'm always the one who wakes you up in the morning, never the other way around?"

Sirius blinked. "Well…I mean, I did, but…I didn't know it meant you'd been up for hours already."

Remus chuckled. "Oh, I love this time of night. I guess…I guess I'm just a creature of the night. I love watching the stars, especially on a clear night. And out here…" Remus waved his arm, indicating the unspoiled forest and lake surrounding them. "No lights to spoil the view. I mean, you can see them all. Look up there…" He pointed to a very bright star just above the horizon. "That one you can see, even from our front porch…it's the brightest star in the heavens, and it's my favourite, always has been."

"What's it called?" Sirius asked, looking down at Remus.

Remus smiled. "Sirius."

A slow smile crept across Sirius's face. He sat down behind Remus and gathered him onto his lap; Remus leaned his head back against Sirius's chest and looked up at him. Sirius put one arm across Remus's chest and gripped his hand tenderly, placing his other hand on the top of Remus's head. Remus reached up and put his free hand on Sirius's arm. The two sat that way for a while, watching the stars and the stillness of the night.

Finally, Remus broke the silence. "So. James is to be a dad."

Sirius chuckled. "Looks like. I'm glad…he always wanted kids. He's got to be thrilled."

"I bet Lily is too." Remus grew quiet. "Adonijah would've been proud."

Sirius's smile faded slightly. "That he would have."

"It's too bad he couldn't live long enough to see his grandchildren," Remus said softly.

Sirius was silent for a minute. Finally, he said, "Rem, there's something you have to understand. Adonijah and Hope found each other late in life, and they'd been married for several years when James was born. Both of them knew all along that they might never live to see their grandchildren. In all honesty, Adonijah told me at the wedding that he was surprised he'd lived long enough to see James's graduation, let alone his wedding. I don't think Hope expected that she'd live long enough to become a grandmother…and you and I both know she still might not. If I were you, I wouldn't bring him up around James or Lily…they might get a wee bit upset."

"I won't," Remus promised. "I just…I don't even know why I was thinking about him tonight."

"I understand," Sirius said softly. "It's okay. Let's just…I don't know. I was never any good at astronomy or astrology…is Sirius part of a constellation?"

"Yeah, Canis Major." Remus began pointing out the constellations and stars, and the two lapsed into a comfortable conversation.


	10. I Will Cling To

__

Rrrrring! Rrrrring!

Sirius and Remus froze mid-kiss, their eyes wide. Both were thinking the same thing: _The last time someone called this time of night, Adonijah had had a heart attack._ Sirius rolled to the side; Remus turned and reached for the telephone.

__

Rrrr—

Remus caught it mid-ring and answered. "Hello?"

"Remus? It's me. I'm not…interrupting anything, am I?"

"No, you're fine." Remus mouthed _It's James_ to Sirius. "Is something wrong?"

James didn't sound quite as shaky as before, but still upset. "I'm sorry, I probably could have waited, but…"

"You're fine," Remus insisted. "James, what's wrong?"

"It's…it's…" James's voice was raw. "We lost the baby."

Remus gasped. "Oh, no…James, I'm so sorry. What happened?"

"I don't know. I mean…she went into labour this morning—three weeks early, mind you—and I took her to the hospital. She delivered the baby and we thought everything was fine…but he wasn't crying. The doctors did their best, but…but it wasn't enough. He died." James gave a weak kind of chuckle. "Our little boy…Adonijah Mark, we decided. At least now there's a name for the tombstone…"

Remus swallowed hard. "Is there…I mean, do you need us to come over?"

"No…no, we're fine for tonight," James answered. "I just…I wanted to let you guys know what was going on. Sorry I interrupted you."

"It's fine," Remus repeated. "Okay, if you're sure…we'll talk to you tomorrow."

"Bye, Rem." _Click._

Remus slowly replaced the receiver, then rolled over to face Sirius. "That was James. They lost the baby."

Sirius's eyebrows shot up. "_What?_ Oh, no…poor Lily. Poor James, for that matter." He swallowed. "And they were so close to their due date…I thought they were safe."

Remus shook his head. "Lily went into premature labour this morning…the baby was born and they thought he was fine, but he must've had some kind of birth complications. He died."

"That's awful," Sirius murmured. "Did they decide on a name?"

"Adonijah Mark, big surprise."

Sirius curled his fingers into Remus's hair. "Should we go over?"

"No, James said they'd be fine for tonight." Remus touched Sirius's face lightly. "Lily must be devastated, though…first her mother, now the baby. And James lost his father…"

"Less than a year ago," Sirius agreed. "They're going to need some time before they're back on their feet."  
"We'll be there for them, though…right?" Remus asked uncertainly.

Sirius smiled and kissed Remus on the shoulder lightly. "Of course we will. That's what friends are for…right?"

"Right." Remus smiled back. "James would be there in a situation like this for either one of us. It's our job to be there for him."

Sirius sighed and put his arm around Remus's shoulders. "Just out of curiosity…what did you keep telling James was 'fine'?"

Remus chuckled. "Oh…that. He kept asking if he was interrupting anything and apologising for it."

Sirius grimaced. "Oh."

"Well, you can hardly blame him…when he called to tell us Adonijah had a heart attack you nearly bit his head off. He seemed a lot calmer this time, but he was still pretty upset."

"Again, who can blame him? He just lost his firstborn son."

"True." Remus leaned his head on Sirius's chest. "I can't imagine how that feels…and it's not like I'm ever likely to know."

Sirius rubbed Remus's back. "Yes, there are some advantages to being gay. Never having to lose your child, for example. Although we still have to deal with the monthly cycles around here."

"Oh, hush," Remus laughed, punching him lightly on the shoulder. Sirius laughed and cuddled him tighter.


	11. Singing the SelfSame Strain

Remus trudged up to the small, dingy pub. Sirius's shift as bartender ended at the same time as Remus's shift waiting tables at a Muggle restaurant a few blocks away, but sometimes one or the other had to wait a little later. If Remus was late it was because he had a table full of customers that just wouldn't leave; in Sirius's case it was either because there was a brawl to break up or because his relief hadn't shown up yet, usually the latter. Remus had listened to his fair share of harangues about the bartender on the graveyard shift.

The pub seemed fairly busy as Remus approached. Not much of a drinker and not wanting to take up valuable bar space, Remus hovered outside the window for a minute until Sirius glanced his way and noticed him. Remus grinned and waved. Sirius grinned back and held up five fingers, then turned back to the customer waving a mostly empty tankard of beer.

Smiling, Remus turned and leaned against the wall. Sirius worked here because he enjoyed it, and had in fact done so since his graduation; Remus had trouble keeping a job more than two or three months, no matter how hard he worked. For a while he, too, had tried a job there, handling the food while Sirius poured the drinks, but the job had wound up like all his other jobs. The manager had noticed he was missing three days out of every month, accused him of skipping out despite the fact that he called in sick each time, and fired him. Remus had somehow managed to hang on to his current job for three full lunar cycles, but considering his new boss was almost constantly stoned it was doubtful he even noticed Remus wasn't turning up three days out of twenty-nine.

Remus was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the large man until he spoke. "Hey there, handsome."

Remus looked up, startled, then looked around to see whom the man could be addressing. "Were you talking to me?" he finally asked, looking up a little nervously.

The man leered at Remus, making him decidedly uncomfortable. "You see anyone else around here?"

"Wh-what do you want?" Remus stammered.

"I just wanna talk." The man moved closer to Remus, who shied away along the wall. "You wanna come ride around with me for a while? I bet we'd have fun."

"N-no thanks," Remus answered, still moving away. "I don't think my boyfriend would like that very much…" He'd never called Sirius his _boyfriend_ before, but it seemed natural in this situation.

The older man chuckled. "Hey, am I making you nervous?"

Remus edged away from the man a little more. "Yes, just a bit."

"Aw, now, don't be shy." The man suddenly lunged, planting his arms on either side of Remus, pinning him to the wall. Remus froze, terrified. "You 'n' me, we're gonna have a _good_ time."

"I—I really don't think—" Remus stammered, his eyes wide with fright.

Still leering at Remus, the man patted his pocket. "Don't think, handsome, just do what I tells you to an' won't no one hafta get hurt, see? I got a gun here and I ain't afraid to use it."

Remus pressed back against the wall, shrinking away from the man, who only moved in closer. "Now," he whispered, "you're gonna—"

"Remus?"

The man froze, his face inches from Remus's. Remus managed to control his panic a little bit and looked over the man's shoulder. Sirius had just stepped out into the alley and was looking around uncertainly, obviously wondering where Remus had gone. Remus tried several times to call out, but there seemed to be something wrong with his vocal chords.

The man, meanwhile, had realised what Remus was trying to do and grabbed Remus's throat. Remus gasped, unable to speak, or indeed breathe. "You try it, buddy boy, and I swear—" the man growled, keeping his voice low so Sirius wouldn't hear.

He needn't have bothered. Sirius looked in that direction and saw the man pressing someone against the wall. He didn't see Remus, but he knew that the man was bothering _someone_ and had to help. "Hey!" he said loudly, hoping to give whoever was there a chance to get away.

The man half-turned, exposing Remus, who had clamped his eyes shut and turned his face away in fear. Sirius took stock of the situation and roared with fury, then launched himself at Remus's attacker.

Remus kept his eyes shut and his body curled in a ball, pressed against the wall. He heard curses from both Sirius and the older man, thuds and cracks, and then the sound he'd been dreading: the sharp report of a handgun. The gun fired a second time and Remus felt something whistle past his ear, then a loud _crunch_ as something buried itself in the brickwork. Sirius gave another roar…and then, suddenly, there was silence, except for heavy breathing.

Remus couldn't hear anything that was being said, but he heard someone run off. The footsteps retreated…then something clattered to the ground. A second later, someone put a hand on Remus's back. He winced and tried to curl up in a tighter ball.

"Rem?" It was Sirius, his voice an octave higher than normal, quavering slightly. "Remus, sweetheart, it's me, it's Sirius."

Remus uncurled slightly, then slowly opened his eyes and lifted them to see Sirius's white, concerned face. "Siri?" he murmured.

Sirius gathered Remus into his arms; Remus clung to him like a drowning person and leaned his head on Sirius's chest. "Oh, Remus," Sirius choked. "Are you okay?"

Remus, who was shaking madly, nodded anyway.

Sirius pulled back a little and looked down at Remus lovingly. "Are you hurt?"

Remus shook his head. "Just scared," he whispered. "Just really, really scared."

"What the hell did _he_ want?" Sirius asked, pushing a bit of Remus's hair out of his eyes.

"He…he was trying to…" Remus's voice shook. Without warning he burst into tears.

"Shh. Shh. It's okay." Sirius held him and rocked him gently, stroking his hair. "It's okay. I'm here. It's okay."

Remus looked up at Sirius, his face streaked with tears. "Siri…the gun…did he…?"

"I'm fine," Sirius assured him, hugging him tightly. "The gun discharged when he drew it out—he almost dropped the damn thing—and it went off again when I tried to get it away from him. It…the bullet hit the wall right over you…I swear I thought it hit you." He looked down at Remus in concern. "It didn't, did it?"

Remus shook his head. "N-no…it m-missed…oh, Sirius, I'm so glad you're here," he sobbed. "I was so scared…I've never been more terrified in my life."

"Shh. It's okay," Sirius soothed him. "He's gone now."

Remus lay his head on Sirius's chest. "How the hell did you get rid of him?"

Sirius tightened his grip on Remus. "I finally managed to get the gun away from him, and I pinned him down and pointed it at him. I told him if he didn't get the fuck out of here I'd shoot him…and if he _ever_ came near you again I'd make him so miserable he'd be _begging_ me to kill him."

Remus looked up again. "You…y-you really would have k-killed him?"

"If he hurt you? Yes, I would have." Sirius stroked Remus's hair tenderly. "I was damn scared when I saw him pinning you to the wall like that…and if I'd realised at the time that he'd had the gun, I'd have been more scared still. You were _blue,_ Rem. He was choking you. I thought…I thought…" Sirius's voice trembled again. "I thought I was too late. I thought I'd lost you." He tightened his embrace yet again. "Why didn't you come inside?"

"It…it wasn't that…I didn't think…"

"You never think," Sirius said softly, but his voice wasn't rough. "I love you, Rem. You mean the world to me and I'd be devastated if anything happened to you. Your problem is that you're just too trusting…you think there's some good in everybody…and one of these days that's going to get you into trouble. It very nearly did tonight." He held Remus even tighter. "Promise me that if you ever show up here before I get off again, you'll come inside and wait."

"Siri…" Remus choked.

"_Promise me,_ Remus."

Remus was starting to have breathing difficulties again, but he didn't mind. "I…I promise…"

Sirius let go of Remus, drew back a bit, and stared intently into his eyes. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Remus nodded again; he was still scared, but he hadn't been hurt. And he was shaking less than he had been before.

"Good." Sirius helped Remus to his feet and put his arm around the trembling man's shoulders. "Then let's go home."


	12. Some Things I Know

It wasn't often that Sirius and Remus slept without making love, but when they did it was usually because one or both of them was upset. And that evening, Remus had still been shaking when they got home. Sirius had helped him into his pyjamas, then tucked him into bed. When Sirius climbed in next to him, Remus had curled up against Sirius and clung to him fearfully, still scared almost witless. Sirius had held him, stroking his hair and murmuring comfortingly, and finally he had fallen into a fitful sleep. Sirius, however, hadn't been the least bit tired and remained awake.

Two hours later, Remus had a nightmare; rather than wake him up, which he really wanted to do, Sirius simply held him until he settled down again. Once he was sure Remus was calm and sleeping once more, Sirius slowly eased out of the bed and tucked the covers around the sleeping man. He paused briefly, looking down tenderly at Remus. Sometimes Sirius had to remind himself that Remus was only twenty years old, and that just barely; his birthday had been three weeks before. Usually he looked—and acted—so much older; asleep as he was then, his face still marred with the traces of tears, he looked so much younger. Sirius felt tears come to his own eyes as he leaned down and pressed a kiss to Remus's brow.

Quietly, Sirius slipped out of the bedroom and went into the kitchen. He had put the kettle on when he arrived home, hoping to comfort Remus with a cup of tea, and there was still half a kettle of water left. He tested it; yes, it was still hot. With a bit of a sigh, he pulled a mug out of the cabinet and set about preparing a cup of tea.

"Sirius?"

Sirius looked up. James stood in the doorway of the kitchen, looking uncertain. Sirius smiled thinly. "James. Come on in. Tea?"

"Yeah, thanks." James sat down and glanced down the hall. "How is he?"

Sirius shook his head. "Damn near scared to death. The whole thing shook him up more than he'd care to admit. Me, too, for that matter."

James accepted the cup Sirius handed him and studied his friend. "I'm not sure I understand what exactly _did_ happen, mate. All you said over the phone was that some pervert attacked Remus outside your pub."  
"That's the Reader's Digest condensed version," Sirius sighed, collapsing into his chair. "I'm not sure _I_ really understand what happened…Remus turned up like he always does when he gets off before I do and he was waiting for me outside…the pub was kind of crowded. Otis showed up five minutes later and I went outside to meet Remus, but he wasn't there. I noticed this…creepy guy standing off to one side, and I could tell from the way he was standing that he was trying to rape someone. I yelled to distract him and he turned around…and I realised it was _Remus_ he was attacking, and what's worse, the guy was strangling him to keep him from calling out to me. He was turning blue." James closed his eyes in horror. "I attacked the guy, tried to get him away from Remus…I didn't realise he had a gun."

James's eyes flew open. "Sweet Merlin, Sirius, you must be joking."

"I mustn't and I'm not," Sirius said bitterly. "He tried to draw it on me…it went off, buried itself in the gutter of the building on the left…I tried to get it away from him and it went off again. That time it hit the wall behind Remus…I was terrified that it had hit him, which is the only way I was able to get that gun away from the guy. I pointed it at him—I'm sure he could see my hands shaking—and I told him if he came anywhere near Remus again I'd kill him. He got out of there real fast."

James stared at Sirius, all the colour gone from his face. "Oh, God…is Remus okay?"

"Physically, yes. Mentally…I don't know." Sirius hesitated. "He was still shaking when I got him to bed a couple hours ago. He had a nightmare a couple of minutes ago…I didn't wake him up, probably should have, but I was afraid I'd never get him back to sleep. I kind of sat there with him until he calmed back down…I just hope he won't remember it in the morning."

"You really love him, don't you," James said softly, studying Sirius's face.

Sirius nodded, staring into his mug. "I don't think I realised how much until tonight, when I saw him so…so fragile, so helpless. I was terrified…I thought I was going to lose him. For a moment, I was afraid I already had…that I was too late to save him." He suddenly looked up at James, startled. "You didn't believe I did?"

James spread his hands out, palms up. "I…you two don't lie, not to me, anyway. Remus…I knew all along that he loved you, I mean _really_ loved you. But you…I wasn't quite sure. I…until tonight, I wasn't one hundred percent sure you really loved him…I was afraid it was just a physical attraction." He blew his messy bangs out of his eyes. "There. I said it."

Sirius stared at James in frank astonishment. "Prongs…if I, as you so delicately put it, _shagged_ every person I'd ever felt just a physical attraction to…well, Remus certainly wouldn't have been my first, that's for sure." James laughed, albeit weakly. "James, he means so much to me. He's my whole world. You know how that feels…I know you do. It was never just physical. I would never have…I mean, I wouldn't be living with him today if it was. I respect him as a person…and I care about him too much. I would never have strung him along like this. And if you thought I would have…maybe we don't know each other as well as we thought we did."

"You mean, maybe _I_ don't know you as well as we thought I did," James said with a half-grin. "I'm sorry, Sirius…I should have known all along that you really did care. Remus is smart, he wouldn't have stuck with you for so long if you didn't genuinely love him." He looked down at his hands. "I'm just sorry it took…_this…_to get me to really see that." He glanced up again, then blinked. "Siri…you're crying…"

Sirius brushed his eyes a little impatiently. "I just…I really do love him, I always have. And tonight…I almost lost him. I know I've said that already, but…I just can't get over it. I've never been that terrified in my life."

"That's because he _is_ your life," James said softly. "You're right, Siri, I _do_ know how you feel about him. When Adonijah died…I thought I was going to lose Lily too. She was a wreck…she thought it was something _she'd_ done wrong, because _she_ had in some way failed us—Adonijah and me. And I felt so…so helpless, so inadequate, because all I could do was sit there and comfort her, tell her that everything would be all right." A half-smile tugged at his face. "But after a while, I realised…she did the same thing for me when Dad died. And that's what really cinched it, for me, what really made me see how much you loved Remus. Because that's the mark of true love—that the partners in the relationship can help each other up, keep each other afloat, support them in their time of need." James covered Sirius's hand with his and offered him a full smile. "Remus is lucky to have someone like you."

Sirius managed to smile back. "Thanks, mate."

"I mean it." James stood. "I'd better get home…I didn't tell Lily what happened exactly, just that I was coming over here for a little while, but she'll be up waiting for me, expecting a full report. I've got to think of a good story so she doesn't totally panic." He clapped Sirius on the shoulder. "Take care of yourself, mate…and take care of Remus too."

"No worries there." Sirius grinned and walked his best friend to the door. "And James…"

James stopped and turned. "Yeah?"

Sirius hugged him. "Thanks."


	13. Fire and Ice

Remus was still asleep when Sirius woke up the next morning. That in and of itself was unusual, but Sirius figured it was only to be expected considering the shock he'd had the previous evening. Glancing at the clock, Sirius saw that neither one of them had to be up for another fifteen minutes, but he figured it couldn't hurt to get up, dress, and start making breakfast. Carefully, so as not to wake Remus, he eased out of bed and set about getting ready for the day.

Usually it was Remus who made the breakfast and Sirius who slept until they absolutely had to get up; consequently, Remus was rather good at pancakes. Sirius usually took care of dinner. That morning, however, he dug out one of the numerous pancake recipes floating about the small kitchen and tried his best.

He wasn't sure they had turned out right at all, but at least they smelled all right. A smile crossed his face as he recalled the numerous mornings he had woken up to the heavenly smell and stumbled into the kitchen, only to find Remus waiting on him with a warm smile. _Morning, Siri. How many pancakes do you want?_

The smile faded as he realised that Remus had not come into the kitchen yet. Sirius could smell pancakes in his sleep; that smell woke him up more often than Remus, who usually only came in to wake Sirius up when they were out of some vital ingredient for the pancakes, such as flour or eggs. He calmed himself down by rationalising that Remus more than likely could _not_ smell things in his sleep, and besides was probably far too tired to notice. Swallowing, he went down the hall.

Remus was curled up into a ball under the covers, one hand clenching the pillow next to him where Sirius usually slept. Sirius paused for a second, smiling fondly at Remus as he slept. _What a cliché you are, Black…watching your true love sleeping,_ he mused, shaking his head. Still smiling, he sat down on the edge of the bed and shook Remus gently.

"Remus, honey," he said softly. "Time to get up."

Remus stretched, groaned, then blinked up at Sirius. A small smile crossed his face. "Hey," he said in a quiet voice.

"Hey," Sirius smiled back. "Did you sleep well?"

The smile faded. "No, not really. What happened last night…it really shook me up. I kept having nightmares." Remus squinted up at Sirius. "Sorry if I kept you awake…"

"You didn't," Sirius assured him, kissing his forehead. "I wasn't tired at first…but when I did get to sleep, I slept like a log. I just woke up earlier than you did this morning is all."

Remus struggled to a sitting position, looking alarmed. "What time is it?"

"Relax. It's only eight." Sirius rubbed Remus's back. "I made breakfast."

Remus smiled a little. "You could've woken me up."

"You needed your sleep," Sirius objected. "Come on, sweetheart, let's go eat."

The morning passed relatively as normal after that. Remus helped Sirius clean the dishes after they ate, then finished getting dressed. The morning was rather chilly, so Remus dug out his long brown trenchcoat—his jean jacket wasn't quite warm enough—but Sirius shrugged into his leather jacket. Pocketing their wands, which they always did simply as a matter of precaution—one could never be too careful with Voldemort on the loose—Remus made sure to lock the door behind them. Sirius managed to talk him into letting Sirius give him a ride on his motorcycle, so he hung on tight as Sirius, keeping to the street this time, drove off.

"See you after work, honey," Sirius said with a smile as a rather shaky Remus dismounted. Remus kissed him briefly, then headed into the restaurant. Sirius continued on to the pub.

The day went on as usual; Sirius served drinks with a professional twist, bantered easily with the customers, and broke up a couple of bar fights. He kept glancing out the back door to the alley, wondering if the guy would show up again. Ten minutes before his shift was up, there was a jingle from the bell over the door and another man walked into the dusky pub, hung up his jacket, and ducked behind the bar. "Hullo, Sirius."

Sirius blinked in surprise. "Otis! What on earth are you doing here?"

"I work here, remember?" Otis said with a grin, coming over to join Sirius. "You've covered my ass a good few times…I thought I'd cover yours in case you wanted to leave early today. You know, to pick up your friend from work?"

Sirius was even more startled than before. "You really…why?"

Otis shrugged. "One of my customers noticed a commotion just after you left…I glanced out and saw you wrestling with someone. I'd've come out, but the pub was crowded, and besides you looked like you were doing fine on your own. A minute or two later, I saw that friend of yours that comes by to pick you up sometimes, when you have to cover me…I know he works the same shift you do…and he looked like he'd been scared out of a year's growth." He frowned at Sirius. "That guy was attacking your friend, wasn't he?"

"Oh, hell, yes," Sirius said, remembering the events of the night before. "Thanks, Otis…I really appreciate this. I owe you."

"Nah. Like I said before, you've covered my ass enough. This barely covers last night…I was ten minutes late, wasn't I?"

"Fifteen, but that's hardly the point." Sirius untied his apron. "It wasn't because the love of your life was in danger."  
Otis stared at Sirius in surprise as he took the apron. "Sirius, are you gay?"

"I thought you knew that. Remus is my life partner."

"No, I had no idea."

"It doesn't…you know…bother you, does it?"

"'Course not. My sister's a lesbian…and besides, I'm usually too high to care." Otis tied on the apron. "But that just reinforces my point. I'm late because of stupid things, like I'm too lazy to get out the door on time, or because I'm drunk or stoned out of my mind. I think I've, cumulatively, missed three shifts in bits and pieces. Covering ten minutes of _your_ shift so you can protect someone you care about hardly goes into the total."

Sirius grinned. "Thanks, Otis."

"No problem. Now go pick your boyfriend up before tall, dark, and stupid turns up and starts bothering him again."

Sirius laughed and headed out the door, pausing only to grab his jacket. He arrived at the restaurant about five minutes before Remus's shift ended, parked his bike, pocketed the keys, and walked in.

The woman at the front desk looked up as he came in. "Hi, welcome to—oh, hi, Sirius. Bit early, aren't you?"

Sirius grinned. "Hi, Sharon. Wonder of all unspeakable wonders, my relief turned up ten minutes early, so I'm off. Is Remus ready to go?"

"Just about, I think he's cleaning up Table Fifteen." Sharon hesitated. "Is he feeling all right?"

Sirius blinked. "Why do you ask?"  
"Oh, I don't know," Sharon said, scanning the restaurant. "It's just…he's been kind of shaky all day, kind of pale. I wondered if he was starting to get sick again."

"No…no, I don't think so," Sirius said slowly. "He…he had a rather traumatic experience last night, it left him kind of upset. I should've realised he'd still be having problems…if I'd thought about it, I'd've made him stay home today, but…"

"His work's been fine," Sharon assured him hastily. "He's just…different."

"Different is the word." Sirius suddenly caught Remus's eye and waved. Remus, who was wiping catsup off of a table, paused and smiled at Sirius, then held up the rag. Sirius nodded.

A couple minutes later, Remus came to the front desk, grinning, and lifted his coat off of the coat rack. "Hey, Siri, you're early."

"Would you believe me if I said Otis showed up early?" Sirius grinned back. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah." Remus shrugged into his coat. "See you tomorrow, Sharon."

"See you, Remus…nice talking with you, Sirius." Sharon smiled and turned to handle a customer who had come up to pay a check.

"So how was your day?" Sirius asked Remus as they walked out to where he'd parked the motorbike.

"Fine. Chaotic. Frustrating." Remus smiled. "You know. The usual. How was your day?"

Sirius grinned. "All right. Pretty typical, actually, except that Archie wasn't there."

"Is he feeling all right?" Remus asked, climbing onto the motorbike behind Sirius.

"Family reunion in Arkansas…hold on." Sirius switched on the bike and gunned the motor, then set off, keeping the motorbike at a respectable speed.

As they rounded the corner of their street, however, he suddenly killed the motor, causing Remus to bump his head on Sirius's shoulder. "Is something wrong?" Remus asked anxiously.

"I don't know." Sirius climbed off the bike and frowned down the street. "What are all those people doing down there?"  
Remus climbed down and stood beside Sirius, who was gripping the handlebars. "Did Mrs. McGillicutty break a hip again?"

"That would mean an ambulance, not a crowd," Sirius pointed out. "Maybe Reuben had an accident."

The two walked uncertainly down the street, Sirius wheeling his bike along with them. Suddenly, someone separated from the crowd and hurried towards them. It was James, his face pale but relieved.

"Thank God, you two are okay," he gasped as he reached them.

Sirius stopped dead, a hard knot of dread starting to form in the pit of his stomach. "Why wouldn't we be? What happened?"

James pointed. Remus gripped Sirius's arm tightly.

The McGillicutty house had a circular patch of soot above the kitchen window. Reuben Tomoko was studying a blackened patch of his roof. There was nothing left in between but a pile of smouldering rubble.

"Wh…what the hell?" Sirius managed. "What happened?"

James shrugged. "They're not sure. One of your neighbours—the old lady on your left—"

"Mrs. McGillicutty," Remus murmured, still clutching Sirius' arm so tightly it hurt.

"Right, her. She smelled smoke and called the police, thinking you guys were burning leaves. The police—and the fire department—turned up and found your place on fire." James swallowed hard. "Lily and I were listening to the radio earlier…there was a bulletin about a fire, and when they gave the address I panicked. They said it had been burning for quite some time before it was detected…I was afraid you guys were still inside." James hugged them both tightly. "I'm so glad you're all right."

Sirius hugged him back almost absently. "Did they…do they know what caused the fire?"

James shook his head, his eyes rather wet. "They're not sure, but the fire chief thinks it might have been arson."

"Arson?"

"They think it was deliberately set."

Sirius swallowed and thought back to that morning. Had he turned off the griddle? They had a gas stove…could it have ignited something, caught the house on fire?

Remus, as he often did, seemed to read Sirius's thoughts and put an arm around his shoulder. "It's not your fault, Siri. I double-checked the griddle before we left…you turned it off." His voice was shaking. Sirius knew exactly what he was thinking, because he had the same thoughts. _It's gone. All of it, gone, just like that. Everything._

Sirius hugged Remus comfortingly. "Hey, it's okay," he said softly. "It's just stuff. The important thing is that we're all right."

Remus leaned his head on Sirius's shoulder. "I know, I'm just…there's so much we can't replace. All our photographs from Hogwarts…our diplomas…"

"I know."

"Some of those recipes…I don't know if I can remember them all, and a lot of them were my grandmother's. And all your sketchbooks…Siri, you've had those since you were nine, they meant a lot to you."

"I know." Sirius held Remus a little tighter. "You know, maybe it didn't all burn. We can look, see what's left, and then…I don't know."

James, who had been watching quietly, stepped forward and placed his hand gently on Sirius's shoulder. "Come on, guys. I'll help you salvage what we can, then I'm taking you home."

Sirius looked at his friend in surprise. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"Just that. You two are my best friends, and right now you have nowhere to stay. You're going to come and stay with us until you find another flat…or you can stay for good. Of course, that's just me offering, we might have to check with Lily on that point…but you're staying with us until you find somewhere to live."

Sirius frowned a little. "James, you don't have to…"

"Of course I do," James interrupted him. "You'd do the same thing if Lily and I suddenly found ourselves homeless. Why should you expect any less from me?"

Sirius wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "Thanks, James."

"Hey, that's what friends are for." James smiled wetly at them. "Come on, let's see what survived."

There wasn't much. Sirius unearthed a bright yellow pocket folder, which had been enchanted to be waterproof in case something got spilled on it; apparently the waterproofing had saved it from the worst of the fire. The folder contained several of the recipes Remus had learned from his mother and grandmother. James found a brightly coloured photo box containing a few of Sirius's sketchbooks. Remus found a book the two had been reading together; the bookmark was gone, but the book was somehow intact. Beyond that, everything was reduced to ashes or burned beyond recognition.

"I have extra sets of our wedding pictures," James offered. "I mean, if you want them."

"We might take you up on that," Remus said softly. "Thanks, James."

"No problem." James helped Sirius to his feet. "Come on, let's go home."

The three walked back towards where Sirius had left his motorbike, but a sudden call from behind them halted them. "Boys…wait a minute!"

Sirius and Remus turned. Martha McGillicutty was hobbling towards them, clutching in her arms some sort of bundle. She thrust it at Remus as she reached them. "Here…I want you to have these," she croaked. "There's a warm quilt—I made it myself, years ago—and some of the clothing my Roger outgrew, bless his heart. I think it'll fit you."

"Mrs. McGillicutty, we don't want to take your son's clothes," Remus protested, trying to hand the bundle back to her.

"No, no, take it," Martha insisted, pushing it back at him. "I told you, Roger outgrew them years ago…you've met him, he's easily three hundred pounds. You boys don't have anything left, you'll need _something_ so you don't have to wear the same clothes for weeks on end."

Sirius smiled and hugged her. "Thank you, Mrs. McGillicutty. You don't know what this means to us."

"I lost everything in a fire when I was a girl," Martha said with a smile. "I know what it's like. Good luck, boys."

"Thank you again," Remus said, hugging her as well. She gave him a smile as well, then hobbled back towards her house.

Sirius felt a tug at his shirt and looked down to see seven-year-old Carmi Tomoko looking up at him. "Mr. Sirius, are you and Mr. Remus okay?"

"Yes, Carmi, we're fine," Sirius answered, kneeling down on the little boy's level. "We were at work when the fire happened."

"That's what Daddy said, but Mummy said she wasn't sure 'cause nobody knew when the fire started. Here…I want you to have this." Carmi pushed something into Sirius's hand. Sirius looked down and realised it was a fifty pence piece. "It's my pocket money for this week."

"Oh, Carmi, you don't need to give us your pocket money," Sirius told the boy, giving it back. "It's okay, we don't need it…"

"I know, but I want you to have it," Carmi answered. He put the coin in Sirius's hand and curled the man's fingers around it. "Rachel says good neighbours help each other when they're in trouble, and I want to be a good neighbour. I know fifty pence can't do much, but it might help."

Tears sprang to Sirius's eyes as he hugged the little boy. "Thank you, Carmi. We appreciate that."

Carmi gave him a gap-toothed grin. Sirius straightened as Carmi's fifteen-year-old sister Rachel hurried up to the group. "I'm glad you're all right, Mr. Sirius," she said with a relieved smile. "I just got home, Dad told me what happened." She reached into her pocket, pulled out a roll of pound notes, and handed it to him. "Here, I want to help out as much as I can. Take this…"

Sirius really felt embarrassed. "Rachel, it's okay, we—"

"No, really." Rachel thrust the money into his hand, then jammed her fists in her pockets to show she was serious. "I have an after-school job now, I've got plenty. I don't need it and I don't want it. You and Mr. Remus don't have anything…I want to help out."

Sirius again tried to blink back tears as he hugged Rachel. "Thank you, Rachel. You don't have to do this, you know."

"Yes, I do," Rachel said with a smile, hugging first Sirius and then Remus. "It's all part of being good neighbours. Good luck."

James was grinning as Rachel led her little brother off. "You have great neighbours. I doubt ours would lift a hand to help us if they could see someone murdering us."

Remus wiped his eyes as he helped Sirius fit Martha's bundle into one of the panniers. "This is a really close-knit community. Everybody looks after everyone else."

Just then, a tall, stringy man hurried up. "Are you leaving?" he asked breathlessly.

Sirius waved an arm at the smouldering rubble. "Looks like we're going to have to, Ted."

"Too bad…we're going to miss you." Theodore Dukakis hesitated. "Think you'll stop by from time to time?"

"We'll try," Remus promised.

Theodore nodded. "Well…before you go, the missus wants you to have this." He handed Remus a battered black tome with a slight orange stain on the cover. Faded silver words read HOLY BIBLE. "I know, I know, it's kinda been through the mill…but she thought it might help."

"Thanks, Ted," Remus said, managing a smile. "Everyone's been so helpful."

"Well, you two are great kids, great neighbours. We'll all miss you."

Remus slipped the Bible into a pannier, then sat behind Sirius on the motorbike. James climbed on behind him. The entire neighbourhood waved as Sirius snapped on the bike and drove off down the street.


	14. Music of the Night

Lily was waiting in the doorway as Sirius parked the motorbike in front of the little house in Godrics Hollow. "Are you two all right?" she asked anxiously, hurrying up to them. "You werent trapped under the rubble or anything, were you?"

"No, were fine," Remus assured her, brushing a stubborn strand of hair out of his eyes. "We were at work."

Lily looked relieved as she hugged them both, then kissed James on the cheek. "Peter called, by the wayhe heard about the fire and was calling to ask if it was your house or your neighbours."

Sirius rolled his eyes as he handed Remus one of the panniers. "I swear, Peter wouldnt remember his own address if he didnt go home every night."

"He doesnt. He was calling from a friends house." Lily suddenly did a double-take. "Remus, what happened to your neck?"

"Huh?" Remus rubbed his neck. Sirius looked confused as welluntil he saw what Lily had noticed. There were four purple marks on the left side of Remuss neck and a single one on the rightbruises left from when the pervert had choked him the previous night. Remus winced as he touched a bruise. "Ohthat. Someone tried to strangle me last nightIm fine."

Lily looked horrified. "_Why?_"

"Long story," Sirius intervened.

"Simply put, I was in the wrong place at the wrong time," Remus told her. "Really, Im fine, it was nothing serious."

Lily didnt quite look like she believed him, but she waved the two men into the house and directed them to a room down the hall. "Heres the guest roomsorry, theres only one bed"

"Well manage," Sirius said quickly. James smirked at them behind Lilys back. Remus blushed.

"Im sure you will, you usually do." Lilys eyes narrowed. "But if you give Remus a hard time, so help me God"

"I wouldnt do that," Sirius laughed. "Thanks, Lily."

"No trouble." Lily bustled out of the room, but James hung back.

"Are you two _sure_ youre all right?" he asked anxiously.

Remus nodded. "Positive."

"Only fools are positive."

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked innocently.

"Positive_damn,_" James groaned. "I cant believe I fell for that."

Sirius laughed. "Were fine, James, really. Sorry we worried you."

"You guys didnt do anything," James pointed out.

"And that doesnt worry you?" Remus said quietly.

"Good point."

"_What_ point?" Sirius asked, looking bemused. "I didnt hear a point."

Remus shook his head. "My _point,_ Sirius, was that neither one of us did anything to cause the fire. We dont smoke, nobody in our neighbourhood does, we didnt let anyone use our house, we didnt leave the fire burningyou even remembered to turn off the stove after you made breakfast, not that I didnt check. Which means"

"The fire was deliberately set," Sirius finished. "Great."

"You dont think it was that guy who attacked you last night, do you?" James asked Remus.

Remus shook his head again. "Nothat guy was a pervert, not an arsonist. Besides, he knew our scheduleshe had toand he would have known we werent home. To burn us out would mean he wouldnt know where to find us."

"Oh."

Sirius sighed. "Any rate, were alive, were unhurt, and were greatly indebted to you, James. Dont know how were ever going to repay you."

"If we ever have kids, and anything happens to us, you two have to take care of them," James charged.

Remus rolled his eyes. "Thats not repayment, James, thats obvious."

"Yeah, wed do that anyway," Sirius added.

"Well, I have a nasty feeling that its actually going to become necessaryId just feel better if I knew you two were going to protect my kids, look after them and all that." James grinned at them. "Come on, its just about dinnertime."

The meal was a fairly pleasant one; Lily remembered Sirius and Remuss favourites and went out of her way to prepare them, despite Remuss embarrassed attempts to get her to "just cook whatever". James and Sirius bantered easily; Remus rolled his eyes for Lilys benefit and continued eating his meal. Lily basked in their praise of her mighty culinary skills and presented them with a towering dessert.

Afterwards, Lily dug out a deck of cards and insisted they play a "nice, normal Muggle game of cards", so Remus and Lily wound up teaching James and Sirius how to play Hearts. Sirius won the first game, James the second, and Remus the third; Lily refused to play a fourth game, citing as her reason the time. "Dont you two still have to get up for work in the morning? And James does too"

"Oh, weve pulled all-nighters before and still made it to work the next morning," Sirius assured Lily, but James demurred.

"So have I, but I think shes right. This was fun, but its starting to give me a headache."

Sirius and Remus gravitated towards the guestroom; James and Lily disappeared into their own bedroom. Remus yawned and looked longingly at the bed. "Man, that bed looks so good right about now."

"Bet its uncomfortable," Sirius surmised.

"At this point, I swear I would sleep on a boulder. It has been a _very_ long day."

Sirius chuckled and started unbuttoning his shirt. "Theyre only going to get longer, love."

Remus shook his head and sat down to take off his shoes. A few moments later both men heard a soft thump through the wall, followed by an animalistic cry.

Sirius started laughing again. "Do they realise we can hear them through the walls?"

"Be fair, Sirius," Remus chided Sirius gently. "James knows it wont bother us, and Lilywell, Lily just probably isnt used to other people being in the house at night."

Sirius caught Remus by the lapels of his shirt and pulled him closer. "Shes not the only one," he breathed in Remuss ear.

"Siri" Remus began to protest, a familiar feeling creeping up his spine, but Sirius cut him off by covering Remuss mouth with his own. He drew back a second later, his eyes sparkling with a look Remus knew well. Deciding to go with the moment, Remus leaned over and kissed Sirius behind the ear.

Sirius slipped his arms around Remuss waist and leaned over; his lips met Remuss neck. Remus moaned softly as Sirius, still kissing him, lowered him onto the bed.


	15. Angels Working Overtime

Remus, as was his habit, woke up early the next morning. For a minute, he was groggy and disoriented, wondering why the sky outside looked like a Van Gogh paintingbut then he realised that he _was_ looking at a Van Gogh painting, or at least a copy of one. And then he remembered the fire, the Bible from the Dukakis family, the McGillicutty quilt, Rachel and Carmis money

He shook his head to clear it and looked at Sirius, who was still sleeping peacefully, one arm draped over Remuss waist. Remus wanted nothing more than to sink back into Siriuss arms, to snuggle up and get a few more winks inthis morning more than ordinarilybut as he usually did he restrained himself and got up. Usually he did it because he was afraid theyd both forget to wake up if he did; that morning it was because he wasnt one hundred percent certain Lily wouldnt come in to wake them up.

__

Why dont we just tell her? Remus thought to himself, remembering Siriuss arguments during one of the brief moments theyd been capable of rational thought the night before. Although he hadnt been able to explain it to Sirius, Remus knew the answer perfectly well. Lily, though she pretended otherwise, was a very traditional sort of girl. When Remus had first met her, she had been practically in tears because she hadnt wanted to be a witch, simply because it was against the Bible. Remus had spent most of the first day explaining to her that the magic forbidden was _invocational,_ not _incantational,_ and the magic done at Hogwarts was the other way around. And although she might, for Jamess sake, pretend that Remus and Siriuss homosexuality didnt bother her, she would slowly begin to make excuses not to have them about the house and probably forbid them from seeing any of her children. Shaking his head, Remus slipped out of the room, down the hall, and out onto the front porch.

He loved Godrics Hollow, he decided as he sat down. It wasnt a wizarding community, but it was a little village, so there werent any streetlights to obstruct his view of the heavens above. He could see every constellation with perfect clarity. Clasping his knees to his chest, he tilted his head back and located Sirius.

"Morning."

Remus jumped and half-turned. James stood behind him, grinning crookedly, holding two mugs in his hand. "Ohmorning, James. You scared me."

"Sorry about that." James sat down next to Remus and handed him one of the mugs. "I figured Id find you out hereI remembered Sirius saying when we went camping that one time that you were an early riser."

"Are you?" Remus asked.

James grinned sheepishly. "Usually. The only reason I slept in on the trip was because I was just so exhausted."

Remus chuckled. "I wasnt accusing you of anything, James. Im just making sure you arent, you know, getting up early on my account or anything."

"No, I always do. I love it out here this time of daythere are like a million stars! Its almost like being back at Hogwarts." James shifted uncomfortably and half-glanced at Remus. "IerI want to apologise."

"For what?" Remus asked, surprised.

"WellI wasnt thinking about the guest room being right next doorI guess you two got an earful last night."

Remus started laughing. "I was about to apologise for the same thing!"

Jamess hazel eyes widened. "You two wereoh, no." He started laughing as well. "You have _got_ to be kidding me!"

"You didnt hear us?"

"No! You kidding? When we get going, I forget about everything but Lily. You mean to tell me you two didnt hear us?"

"Oh, we heard you all right," Remus chuckled. "I made the comment to Sirius that Lily probably wasnt used to other people being in the house at night, and he said that she wasnt the only one and" Despite the fact that he was still laughing, a flush was starting to creep into his cheeks. "I cant believe Im even _talking_ about this."

"Embarrassed?" James teased.

"Well, a little," Remus admitted. "Im justyou know me, James, Im an incredibly private person."

"I know." Jamess chuckles subsided. "Im sorry, I dont mean to pry or whatever, I justyou know, if Sirius at least had a girlfriend hed give me all the juicy details anyway, whether I wanted em or not. I find it funny that the closest hes come was that first night, when he sort of admitted youd been up in the dorms shagging."

Remuss face was so red it hurt. "Wellwe werent sure how comfortable youd be withyou know, us."

"You guys are my best friends. Its not like I think youreabnormal or unnatural or anything."

"Well, I know, but its a little different when youre talking boy-boy as opposed to boy-girl." Remus looked down into the mug of tea James had given him. "Then theres Lily."

James frowned. "Whats wrong with Lily?"

"Nothing _exactly,_" Remus said quickly, realising how his statement had sounded. "Its justshes deeply rooted in traditional values and morals, its one of the few things she and Petunia agreed upon. Petunia largely hates Lily because Lily managed to get past her Bible-rooted dislike of magic. I managed to help her get over that one, but I dont think theres any way to get her over her homophobia."

"She wouldnt mind."

"She might pretend she doesnt, but shed find ways of excluding us from her lifeand, ultimately, yours and any children you may have." Remus sighed and sipped his tea. "In the long run, its easier just to pretend around her."

James shook his head. "Okay, if youre positive."

"As you said earlier, only fools are positive."

"Are you sure?"

"No."

James laughed. After a second, Remus did too.


End file.
